December 3rd, 2003

dance centipedes vagina

A small knot of hate and rage

So as usually happens, I'm off rambling in some comment somewhere and looking over it I realize that it's more interesting than most of the things I end up posting about. I think the reason is that I'm usually more interesting when I'm reflecting off of other people, responding to their topics than I am in coming up with something myself. So here was the thread in plasticophelia's journal here.

It really does freak me out when I'm reading posts here and I run across all the weeping and sobbing and general blubbering. Maybe it's just a conditioned response but it makes me feel very very uncomfortable. Party I guess it's because I respond so differently myself or maybe it's because there's zilch I can do to fix whatever it is and just starring at the problem makes me want to turn away. So why have none of you ever learned about the small knot of hate and rage? Does it not work for girls? Are a good chunk of you just very emotional to begin with?

The small knot of hate and rage: I'm not sure exactly where I picked this up since I've never really bought into the stereotype of the manly man who dosen't express emotions. It does seem to be the way that I deal with most things...I mean, I will rant and rave and bitch and complain but I never really let it out. At most I rant because either I think it's expected of me or because I think it's funny. There's never really an eotional release and I used to jokingly tell people that if I allowed myself to start crying I'd never stop. I'm pretty sure that was just crap too. If I ever do let the hounds of war slip their leash though I fully expect someone or myself to be dead at the end of it.
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