February 23rd, 2004

dance centipedes vagina

The heirarchy of eeeeeevil

The Gematriculator is a service that uses the infallible methods of Gematria developed by Mr. Ivan Panin to determine how good or evil a web site or a text passage is.

Basically, Gematria is searching for different patterns through the text, such as the amount of words beginning with a vowel. If the amount of these matches is divisible by a certain number, such as 7 (which is said to be God's number), there is an incontestable argument that the Spirit of God is ever present in the text. Another important aspect in gematria are the numerical values of letters: A=1, B=2 ... I=9, J=10, K=20 and so on. The Gematriculator uses Finnish alphabet, in which Y is a vowel.

Experts consider the mathematical patterns in the text of the Holy Bible as God's watermark of authenticity. Thus, the Gematriculator provides only results that are absolutely correct.



The test of EEEEEEEEEVIL

http://www.livejournal.com/~eastern_fate is 59% evil, 41% good
Welp, I can see why there was a lotta eeeeeeevil here as long as randyness is considered evil.

http://www.livejournal.com/~justonephase is 47% evil, 53% good
I've said it before and I'll say it again. There's something dark inside this one. You should watch out because you never know when she'll snap.

http://www.livejournal.com/~tinkersowner is 45% evil, 55% good
I think cat owners are at least partly evil right off the bat. God knows what the rest is attributed to.

http://www.livejournal.com/~kylieann is 43% evil, 57% good
Scary cat owners are even more evil than normal cat owners so I'm not quite sure what's the cause of the switch here. Maybe there's some sorta redeeming spark or something.

http://www.livejournal.com/~dementedpimento is 38% evil, 62% good
Should be more evil. I have it on very good authority god hates potheads.

http://www.livejournal.com/~chocodiablo is 34% evil, 66% good
It's too bad this thing dosen't measure evil thoughts.

http://www.livejournal.com/~modesta is 32% evil, 68% good
Maybe if the numbers were reversed this would make sense.

http://www.livejournal.com/~spitefairy is 32% evil, 68% good
Well, this thing might detect evil but I think we're all sure it's blind to angst.

http://www.livejournal.com/~soupiecampbell is 31% evil, 69% good
Another surprise really. I'm pretty sure God dosen't care for hockey.

http://www.livejournal.com/~thespacecowgirl is 29% evil, 71% good
Feh. Philosophers are usually in the front seat on the bus to hell so go figure.

http://www.livejournal.com/~jeanie3 is 29% evil, 71% good
Evil boobies?

http://www.livejournal.com/~littlestink is 29% evil, 71% good
Crazy, not evil. I guess I should make a note of that.

http://www.livejournal.com/~plasticophelia is 26% evil, 74% good
Again, pity that angst is not a recognized manifestation of evil. It should be.

http://www.livejournal.com/~raanve is 25% evil, 75% good
Apparently anyone who knits must be mostly good. After all, we all know the cool and popular kids would never spend their time knitting and they're the ones who usually get into trouble. Gotta stay on the straight and narrow(boring).

http://www.livejournal.com/~quartzie is 25% evil, 75% good
I find it hard to believe that a canadian could 3/4 good quite frankly. Maybe this evil detector needs a tuneup.
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