March 18th, 2005

dance centipedes vagina

A little belated like usual

So sure, I missed it by 7 hours or so but I only just stumbled over this:

The Onion's presentation of the Irish Heritage Timeline

My favorite has to be the first entry:

7500 BC - The first humans arrive in Ireland. Prior to this, only the Irish lived there.

Simple and elegant. Sort of sets the mood for what's to come next.

If any of you have a few spare moments during the day, devote a handful of brain cells to this. A solution would likely mean a nobel prize of some sort.

BTW, my birthday is right around the corner. It's time to start thinking about gifts.

Maybe you could Rent a German for me. If you're considering this, please make sure she comes with her support package. I really don't want another incident like last time.
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dance centipedes vagina


Sex doll sparks post office bomb alert

17 March 2005

BERLIN: A blow-up sex doll has sparked a bomb alert in a German post office after it started to vibrate inside a package awaiting delivery, police say.

"Workers were unsettled when it began vibrating and made strange noises," a spokesman for police in the eastern city of Chemnitz said on Wednesday. "They were worried the package might be a bomb."

Officers brought the sender to the scene and discovered the source of alarm was an electrical device inside a life-size female sex doll. The man told police he had wanted to return the doll because it kept turning itself on at the wrong moment.

Order was restored after the sender removed the doll's batteries so the defective product could be returned.

Received the above news story in an email from Butch. I started to ponder all those horror stories you hear about airport security checks or checked luggage where some woman's 'personal massager' goes off and buzzes until someone goes in there to turn it off. So I was looking at my LJ friends list whozit and ponering who would be most likely to have had such an incident.

The list of suspects:


I think I'm going to have to go with Gwen. God knows there are a couple of very likely runner ups but if I were wagering money on the deal..... I also left all the men off of it. Quite frankly, if there's something buzzing around in their suitcase and it's not an electric toothbrush, I don't wanna know about it.
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