November 5th, 2005

dance centipedes vagina

A more efficient way of consuming God's creatures

Order Placed :Thursday 03 November, 2005
Order Number :W126235

Cat # Product Name Qty x Price = Line Total
5023 Turducken with Seafood Jambalaya 1 x $61.95 = $61.95
Sub-Total: $61.95
Shipping Cost(GROUND): $23.40
Total: $85.35

This completes your order.

So I finally ordered myself a turducken. It should be shipped home in a freeze dried package and then it just has to sit around until it's ready to be cooked and eaten. It turns out that my cousins have wanted to try one of these things too for quite a while and it came up a few months ago in random conversation. I'm almost tempted to have someone stuff the thing into a side of beef when it arrives just so I can see how many more animals I can get into the mix. I wonder if anyone has ever tried deboning a cow.

Anyway, it's not as if I actually have to do anything to receive the thing or prepare it or anything. I should be going to a local con, then socal for a week, and then right off to thanksgiving after that. If it goes over well I figure I can alwyas snag another for the next holiday. God knows that it's never going to be worth the effort to make one of these things yourself.
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dance centipedes vagina

You must be fucking shitting me. (aka, women are the devil)

Man sues ex-girlfriend over glued genitals

Friday, November 4, 2005; Posted: 12:39 p.m. EST (17:39 GMT)

GREENSBURG, Pennsylvania (AP) -- A Pennsylvanian man sued his ex-girlfriend for more than $30,000 for gluing his genitals to his abdomen five years ago.

Kenneth Slaby of Pittsburgh is suing Gail O'Toole, with whom he broke up in 1999, after dating for 10 months. Slaby then began dating someone else but, according to the lawsuit, O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep.

When he woke up, Slaby found that O'Toole had used Super Glue to stick his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

O'Toole allegedly told him it was payback for their breakup, and he had to walk a mile (1.6 kilometer) to a gas station to call for help.

"This was not just some petty domestic squabble," Slaby's attorney Grey Pratt said Wednesday.

O'Toole had pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and served six months' probation, but her ex-boyfriend is now suing for damages.

O'Toole's attorney, Chuck Evans, said it was a consensual act and Slaby wasn't permanently damaged.

"This is a case that should have been left in the bedroom," he said.

Everything else aside, I just have to know what the living fuck this lawyer was thinking when he came up with that defense. It was fucking consentual? Are you freaking kidding me? I've heard of a lotta weirdass fetishes over time and the internet has introduced me to more, but who in their right mind consentually has their genitals superglued to their stomach and their asscheeks glued together. We'll ignore the graffiti altogether for the moment.

This guy must've been a saint. I'm not sure that most people's response would be to limp their way to a gas station and call for help. I'd pop her one for sure. Can you imagine what the scene must've been like in the emergency room or what it probaly took to dissolve the glue? I'm surprised he didn't ask for more than 30k just for the pain and suffering involved. Hell, people get millions for spilling coffee on themselves. Having someone glue your privates seems to suggest to me a bigger payout of some sort. In the judgement there should also be something about him getting to punch her in the face once.

Let this be a lesson to all of you. Do not visit ex-girlfriends, ever. Or at least, never fall asleep there.
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