January 12th, 2006

dance centipedes vagina

Stay on target. Almost there.....

Bleh. Procrastination sucks. It's getting close to the deadline where I need to finish the recommendations and CV and personal statement so I can ship off these flipping applications and what am I doing? Puttering around on here and other websites. I probaly spend 20 minutes fucking around for every 2 sentences I write that matter. The worst part is that the time squeeze just gets more and more imperative. I have to at least finish the last recommendation within the next hour so I can get a couple people to look it over and give me some feedback. The damn thing absolutely has to go out today if I can at all help it.

On top of that, the deadline is a hour for me to finish the draft because I have to go drive out to a hospital 80 miles away where the clinical trial is being set up. I mentioned it previously in another entry and this is the first session where they'll figure out my eligability and then subject me to indignities and jabbings with pointy things. I need to get there by 8:30am, pop back after the exam and crap and then, before the end of the day, wrap up the application package and mail it. Feh.

  • Current Mood
    blah blah
dance centipedes vagina

Do people not like me because I tell them to go fuck themselves?

Well, I mailed off the first application. I don't feel sanguine about any of this crap. With the huge competition for slots and my sort of lackluster early grades...it's going to be a mess IMO. I wonder is that is going to dog me for the rest of my life. It's like what they told you in all those teen highschool shows like saved by the bell. You just can't escape your permanant record in academia. It follows you around like the fucking plague. You can be 50 and applying for something and someone will still notice that you got a fraking D in the second half of general chem and there's absolutely fuck nothing you can do about it.

It looks like I was accepted for the trial whozit too. It basically means that I get to go back in two weeks and they'll have more doctors prod at me and then hand me off a buncha syringes with crap so I can jab myself. Not looking forward to this crap. First, the medication isn't actually supposed to cure anything. It's just supposed to make it more manageable by reducing pain and the like. Fuck that. I'm not even sure if it's worth the self-stabings if all I get is a little pain relief, and then only while I'm on the medication. It's like those drug dealers who give you a little taste hoping to addict you. If this stuff did relief symptoms while I was on it, WTF am I supposed to do once the trial ends? The crap is supposed to cost 20-30k a year and that's the price even if I had insurance since this is off-label use. God only knows how much pricier it could get with no insurance whatsoever.

Life is better when you keep your expectations down at rock bottom. It's harder for the universe to fuck with you that way.
  • Current Mood
    blah blah