June 3rd, 2006

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Soldiering for Dummies

'Values' course lists dos and don'ts of war

Details of the values training program that U.S. troops in Iraq will attend -- in the wake of a number of allegations of misconduct and civilian killings -- have been obtained by CNN. The presentation called "Core Warrior Values Training" includes advice such as don't leave wounded enemies to die.

Well, this is an assinine piece of crap. Yes, certainly don't leave wounded enemies out there to die. It's better to patch them up and release them so you get the joy of hunting them down again in a few months. Think of it like one of those catch and release policies they have on fishing shows.

Lets see, what other pearls of wisdom do we have out there?

  • Don't desecrate the dead.
  • Don't cause unnecessary suffering.
  • Don't steal things while searching private homes.
  • Don't photograph detainees, especially when they're hooded.

Jeez. It's like they don't want you to have any fun at all. There should be some sort of points system where for good behavior you earn brownie points which you can then trade in order to desercrate the odd corpse. This would make everyone happy and give all the troops an incentive to be good. Besides, it'd be like a team building exercise. You never forget the first corpse you desecrate.

One of the training vignettes offers a more specific scenario, first placing the soldier in a hypothetical "cordon-and-search operation" at a private residence.

"On the way out you see items in the household that appear to be valuable, in particular, an expensive watch. No one is looking. What do you do?"

Well, umm...we're sure no one is looking, right? And it's not one of those cheap knockoffs that just look expensive but is really a piece of crap? Ummm, well.....

"Leave the watch. The law of war and the [Uniform Code of Military Justice] make it a crime to steal. Military professionals respect private property and possessions."

Damn! Okay, that was just a practice question. It didn't count.
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The boom that wasn't

Toronto terror plot foiled -- Canada

Saturday, June 3, 2006; Posted: 10:49 a.m. EDT (14:49 GMT)

TORONTO, Ontario (CNN) -- Canadian police on Saturday said they have prevented a major al Qaeda-inspired terror plot to attack targets in southern Ontario.

Twelve adults and five young people were arrested, authorities said.

"This group took steps to acquire three tons of ammonium nitrate and other components necessary to create explosive devices," said Royal Canadian Mounted Police Assistant Commissioner Mike McDonell in a statement.

"To put this in context, the 1995 bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City that killed 168 people took one ton of ammonium nitrate."

The detained suspects are all men, Canadian residents "from a variety of backgrounds" and followers of a "dangerous ideology inspired by al Qaeda," said Luc Portelance, assistant director of operations for Canadian Security Intelligence Service, in a news conference.

The targets were all in Toronto, CNN's Jeanne Meserve reported at least one source as telling her.

:gasp: But who would ever want to hurt Canadians? (Other than me, I mean) They're like the pipping plovers of the animal world, small and helpless. Isn't it enough that they try to ingratiate themselves to everyone, crying out with their little chirp-chirps of 'Don't hurt us, we're practically neutral!'?

For quite a while now, people have chided Canada for its often lax immigration policy which allows extremist elements to pop over with little or no scrutiny. It's true that prior to 9/11, the US had hardly done a much better job in screening those entering the country but at least that has changed while canada kept dragging its feet. I think that most of the people there figured that any whackjobs would just make their way south to US targets anyway. After all, they had been sensitive and welcoming and chock full of hippie goodness. Why would the terrorists try to hurt them?

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Satanic Cat Watch Roundup

I was gathering a list of all the Satanic Cat entries for something on snopes and I figured I'd just repost the whole list here. There have certainly been a lot of them, but then again, the evil perfidy of cats takes no vacation.

Satanic Cat Watch 1
Satanic Cat Watch 2
Satanic Cat Watch 3
Satanic Cat Watch 4
Satanic Cat Watch 5
Satanic Cat Watch 6
Satanic Cat Watch 7
Satanic Cat Watch 8
Satanic Cat Watch 9
Satanic Cat Watch 10
Satanic Cat Watch 11
Satanic Cat Watch 12
Satanic Cat Watch 13
Satanic Cat Watch 14
Satanic Cat Watch 15
Satanic Cat Watch 16
Satanic Cat Watch 17