September 19th, 2006

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Sacrificed on the Altar of Progress

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Gerrymandered To Serve King Friday's Make-Believe Agenda

September 19, 2006

MISTER ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD, PA—A plan to radically redistrict Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood to further cement the control of the powerful King Friday XIII political machine is expected to pass this week and deeply affect current taxation structure, voting patterns, and services. "Meow-me-meow can't afford meow property tax as it stands now meow, and meow don't want everything I've worked for to be destroyed meow," said one resident, who asked to remain anonymous. Among the anticipated changes are sharp cutbacks in speedy deliveries, the elimination of trolley routes to such low-income districts as Someplace Else and the platypus mound, as well as the destruction of the Museum-Go-Round to make room for a massive new headquarters for The Electric Company.


All hail King Friday and his long overdue reforms. Everyone knows that Someplace Else and the platypus mound were just crime-breeding ghettoes and a drain on kingdom resources. By removing their access to public transportation, we can keep their problems from infecting the other citizens. It's also a triumph that King Friday has managed to convince The Electric Company to move their corporate headquarters to The Land of Make Believe. This will no doubt provide many well-paying jobs and be a real boost to the economy.
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It gets better

Race may be a motive in abortion kidnap case

POSTED: 3:38 p.m. EDT, September 19, 2006

SALEM, New Hampshire (AP) -- A Maine couple accused of tying up their 19-year-old daughter, throwing her in their car and driving her out of state to get an abortion were upset because the baby's father is black, a Maine sheriff said Tuesday.

Katelyn Kampf, who is white, told Cumberland County Sheriff Mark Dion that her mother "was pretty irate at the fact that the child's father was black, and she had made a number of disparaging remarks about that," he said.

...

The boyfriend, 22-year-old Reme Johnson, last week began serving a 6-month sentence for theft at the Androscoggin County Jail in Auburn, Maine. He also has previous felony convictions for burglary and receiving stolen property, the Portland Press Herald reported.


Nice. There's something for everyone in this story whether you're on the side of the kid or the parents.

As far as I'm concerned, this should just renew support for my New and Improved Abortion law that I'm trying to push through congress. See, the way it works is we outlaw all abortions of fetuses. After all, it's patently unfair to terminate the life of what is definitionally an innocent, a tabula rasa if you will. Instead, parents will be allowed to apply for a late term abortion with the person to be aborted no younger than 10 or so. I figure by then we can figure out if the kid is a waste of space and deserves to die. In this case, the parents could have applied to abort their stupidass daughter because anyone stupid enough to run around boinking a habitual felon certainly qualifies for aborting. Even better, the parents of the boyfriend could also have had him aborted right after he started his little crime spree.




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I <3 statistics

Slate.com has a feature called 'Do the Math' which basically consists of a mathematician tackling an issue of the day by crunching the numbers. The most recent article consists of the liklihood of the democrats managing to retake the house of representatives in the election this year and I found it pretty enlightening. It's funny but none of the ideas he strung together were unfamiliar to me by any stretch, but it's just not something we tend apply in our daily lives to issues like this. We just sort of read what the pundits believe, glance at a few polls, and then more or less 'guess' at the outcome based on bias, hope, and sometimes a bit of chance.

Will the Democrats Flip the House?
Slate's mathematician on the odds of a Democratic victory.

By Jordan Ellenberg


Take a look at the analysis. It's pretty interesting. If you just want his nitty gritty on it though:

"If you're a Democrat, you've got every right to be hopeful this fall. But if somebody gives you the chance to bet on the GOP, get your wallet out."

Basically he plots the chance of it happening as being between 15-50%.