October 4th, 2007

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Things that come all unexpected

I have no forgiveness inside me.

It's something I've known for years on end, but reading something brought it into focus for me today. Reading about how others deal with betrayal sends a dagger through me because it sharpens the fact that I know that I could not deal with it. I don't expect others to forgive me, I don't forgive myself, and I cannot forgive those wrongs done against me. In the end, I guess it all boils down to a trust issue. There can be no betrayal without trust, and I realized a long time ago that you can't lose what you don't gamble.

Now, this isn't exactly something pathological. If you cut me off on the road, I'm not likely to follow you home and stab you and your family and friends and pets in the eyes with steak knives. The slight of someone failing to say thanks if I hold a door open is not going to throw me into a howling fit. I just don't think I could ever deal with the 'big ones', the things that strike at the core of who you are.

It all reminds me of a quote from a set of books I read when I was a kid by Cynthia Voigt.

"I got to thinking—when it was too late—you have to reach out to people. To your family, too. You can't just let them sit there, you should put your hand out. If they slap it back, well you reach out again if you care enough. If you don't care enough, you forget about them, if you can."

I've certainly done a lot more forgetting in my life than reaching out and I've come to terms with that. You can't lose what you don't risk, ecspecially when you have little enough to wager with.
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I'm holding your leg hostage

Nothing cures melancholy like confused rage. I popped over to CNN to take a look at the day's news and I found a WTF video.

Battle over Amputated Leg


Take a look at the video, but the basic gist is that some guy lost his leg in a crash. I assume that it was mangled and the doctors needed to amputate it. Now, I wasn't aware of this, but apparently when dotors hack off a limb, you're allowed to keep it. I always figured they would either dispose of it for you or you had to bury it or cremate it or something. This brainiac decided to keep it in his storage locker at some rent-a-space place. He had the leg sitting in a smoker, and I can only pray that he didn't actually smoke his own leg into jerky. That would just make this story even more fucked up. Anyway, he failed to make some payments on the storage space and the company auctioned off his crap. The guy who bought the smoker found the fucking leg inside it and refuses to give it back. He wants to keep the leg and make it the central attraction of his garage haunted house to which he will charge admission. WTF?! These guys must live in the middle of bumfuck somewhere.


UPDATE:

Hey, it looks like the whole leg thing has come to a happy ending. I still can't believe this pair of idiots roam the streets.

MAIDEN, N.C. -- Authorities say a South Carolina man who mistakenly lost his amputated leg when it was sold in a barbecue smoker at a public auction will get the appendage back.

John Wood had been battling to regain custody of the leg from Shannon Whisnant. Whisnant found the leg in a barbecue smoker he purchased at an auction of Wood's belongings last week.

Whisnant first turned the leg over to police but later claimed ownership of it, saying he wanted to charge admission for people to see it.

Wood's leg was amputated three years ago after an airplane crash. He had been keeping the leg so it could be cremated with him when he dies.

Capt. Tracy Ledford of the Maiden Police Department says Wood, of Simpsonville, S.C., has arranged to pick up the leg.