August 5th, 2008

zoloft sad

Another long night

Welp, there are no happy fun patches yet. Shelley was off signing to buy her condo yesterday and didn't make it back to the area to get the prescription filled. She has all my insurance information and I'll have to wait until she can get to the pharmacy to sort it out. The problem is that she's not working tomorrow and is supposed to start painting the condo. I'm not sure how pleased she'll be about making a swing into work just to grab the meds. I'm down to 2 tablets of codeine and it's been another rough night where I don't think I'm going to get much, if any, sleep. Still, if I think happy and positive thoughts, this might also be the last sleepless, pain-filled night for a while if those patches work out.

I was doing some more reading on the fentanyl, running google searches looking for other people's experiences with it and other tidbits of information. Much of what I found really started to make me angry since other than a few medical websites, it largely consisted of fucking drug addicts sharing info with one another about how to get the maximal high off of the stuff. I ran across people trying to extract the fentanyl from the gel-center of the patches to others who recommend actually rolling it up and smoking the damn thing. Those druggie fuckers are the reason that so many people with legitimate pain issues have so many problems getting help from doctors. Just thinking about it infuriates me and I wish that we could just execute drug addicts.

I understand more about drugs and drug addiction than the vast majority of the population due to my education and experience, but I still don't viscerally understand it. I can quote statistics and studies and rattle off tons of peer reviewed research about what's happening in the brain when someone takes drugs but at some level it's still a mystery to me. I'm sure part of the giant stumbling block is the fact that I personally don't feel anything positive when taking opiates other than pain relief. There's no euphoria or feeling of well-being other than what results from the removal of the pain. It just baffles me that there are crazy assholes out there who will spend every moment of their lives scamming and scrounging for their next fix. I just can't understand why they can't or choose not to control themselves when it comes to drug consumption, especially when there are so many negative consequences.

Maybe I just got the short end of the stick and there's something screwy in my head where I don't feel drug rewards. I guess that's possible but seriously unlikely. Sure, there are individual differences when it comes to drug response, but it's hard to believe that I don't get anything off of them. Hmmm, it's probably more that I don't equate any of the effects as being positive. Contrary to popular opinion, very few people who take opiates for pain relief ever become addicted to them. I think the percentage in the last study I saw was around 1-2%. People might become dependent, which is more an effect of long term exposure and tolerance, but they don't show the addictive seeking behavior that we associate with drug abuse. I've always felt that's because when people take drugs for pain, their goal is to get rid of the pain. When people take drugs for recreation, their goal is to feel good. It might just be that we all get out of it what we expect to and view it in that perspective.

Oh well.

Hopefully the codeine tab I popped half a hour ago will kick in soon and let me get some sleep. I've got a fair bit to catch up on lately.
politics mccain risk

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory

Sometimes, I almost feel sorry for all the hippie wankjobs out there. It really must be inconceivable to them why the world never seems to fit their expectations. That sort of cognitive dissonance must be a real wear on the system after a while. I mean, think about it. We have a year in which any generic democratic candidate would be trouncing the generic republican by around 15-20% in the polls. It's hard to imagine a circumstance where there could possibly be a more substantial environment for a democratic landslide. The large political sea changes that we've had in this country in the past have seldom had conditions as favorable as exist now. After all, we have an incumbent president in office who has the stated approval of only a quarter of the country, the economy is hardly in a boon time, there are wars on two fronts, and gas prices have more than doubled in the past couple of years. In those sort of conditions, you could run a chimpanzee as your party's nominee and have a good chance of coming out on top.

Certainly, Obama is hardly a chimpanzee from the hippie left's point of view. He's their golden boy. A messianic figure that would bring about a progressive shift in the country's politics, end wars, cure racism, and poop skittles for all the people of the world to enjoy. Yet, despite all of that, Obama leads in the polls by only 2-3 points at the moment, far lagging what joe blow 'generic democratic' would be achieving. It's funny to see the first hints of pre-panic in the liberal established out there. It's like the scene in Jurassic Park where you hear the first distant boom and the water in the ditch ripples disturbingly. After all, at this same point in the campaign four years ago, Kerry lead Bush in the poll of polls by 8 percentage points.

What's really so amusing about this whole situation is the fact that the lefties are so uncomprehending of how things could fail to go their way. They really don't understand sometimes how people could possibly not agree with them. I mean, the very arrogance of that idea is entrenched in the term by which they name themselves, 'progressives'. As in being more advanced, more knowing, better. They can only chalk up any recalcitrance in the public to embrace their ideas as ignorance or some form of maleficence. Oh, if only people really knew, or really thought, or weren't tricked, they could never fail to embrace our point of view because we're right. The stunning arrogance of this sort of perception just drives me up a wall. Some people have related this sort of blinding hubris to that which you see in some religious leaders who hold a similar moral authority over those who they view as being lesser. The difference though is that those individuals believe they are following God's word, and history has surely taught them that persecution and martyrdom is a common result. Heathens may not believe no matter what you do to try to show them the way. The progressive on the otherhand, simply can't believe that an individual, given all the facts and washed of stupidity could fail to agree with them.

I'm really curious what will happen this time if a few months from now Obama loses the election. I just wonder how all those hippies out there will deal. Surely they will cry fix or rig and come up with elaborate conspiracy theories about how diebold machines or punch cards or ballot box stuffing twisted the result. They simply can't imagine that the country wouldn't agree with them given the chance. I'm not even sure it would be a good thing overall if McCain actually won the election, but it's hard to not want to see it just to hear the howls of disbelief.