February 6th, 2009

oots shoeless god of war

Fear the Ninja Klingons

I love stupid criminal stories and this one is better than most.

Pic Shows Man Robbing Stores With Klingon Sword

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. -- A surveillance picture released by police Wednesday afternoon shows a man armed with what appears to be a small Klingon sword, holding up a 7-Eleven convenience store.

That same man robbed another 7-Eleven store store a half-hour later, and remains at large, Colorado Springs police Lt. David Whitlock said.

The first robbery was reported at 1:50 a.m., at 145 N Spruce St. The clerk told police a white man in his 20s, wearing a black mask, black jacket, and blue jeans, entered the store with a weapon the clerk recognized from the Star Trek TV series.

The robber demanded money and left with an undisclosed amount.

A half hour later, police received a call from a 7-Eleven at 2407 N. Union Blvd., where a man matching the previous description entered the store with a similar weapon. He also demanded money from the store clerk. The clerk refused and the robber "transported" himself out of the store on foot.

Both clerks described the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon-type sword, called a "bat'leth."

Neither clerk was injured in the robberies.

I guess it should be no surprise that both 7-11 clerks recognized the bat'leth right off the bat. We also know from the article that whoever pulled off this robbery wasn't a true star trek fan. I mean, robbing a 7-11 only nets you chump change. It wouldn't even cover the cost of taking the bat'leth out of shrink wrap. Do you have any clue how much that will depreciate it?

Still, at least he didn't try to rob the store with a phaser or disruptor. I guess that means he still has some sort of grip on reality. You could put someone's eye out with a bat'leth after all and probably a good deal more if you sharpened the edges. It's just sort of sad the Klingon empire has fallen so far.
gamer kobolds

I sense a new marketing campaign

Man accused of choking girlfriend with Wii controller

An Austin man has been accused of trying to choke his girlfriend with the cord of a Wii video game controller after she became angry that he had eaten all of her Girl Scout cookies, according to an arrest affidavit.

Christina Alvarado told Austin police that she woke up her boyfriend, Daniel Alvarez, 21, Monday morning after discovering her cookies were gone, according to the affidavit.

Alvarez became upset that Alvarado woke him and began to yell at her, according to the affidavit. Alvarado told police that Alvarez got her into a choke hold that lasted several seconds before she was able to hit him in the eye to break free, according to the affidavit.

The two struggled until they ended up in the living room, where Alvarez grabbed a Wii controller, according to the affidavit. He put his knees on her chest to pin her down and strangled her with the cord of the video game controller, according to the affidavit.

Alvarado was able to free herself and call 911. Alvarez fled the home but was arrested soon after, according to the affidavit. Alvarado had a faint mark from a cord around her neck, shortness of breath, trouble speaking and was coughing when police arrived, the affidavit said.

Alvarez remained in the Travis County jail today with bail set at $40,000. He is facing second degree felony charges of aggravated assault with serious bodily injury, which is punishable by up to 20 years in prison.

I had never really thought of it before but the Wii controller would make a very good garote. The two pieces are connected by a cable and you could easily use the ends to tighten the noose around the neck. Can't get your wife/girlfriend to shut up? Use the Wii! Sure you bought it for good ol' family gaming but that's no reason to look a gift horse in the mouth. If this goes well, they might event invent a Wii game to take advantage of it. I can see it now, The Masked Throttler, where you sneak around and try to garotte people from behind for bonus points. It wouldn't be the weirdest game the Japanese have come out with. I still remember that game where you played a mosquito and had to fly around biting half nekkid people without getting swatted. At least this game might actually come in handy one day if she just won't shut up while you're trying to sleep.
books shakespeare oh happy dagger

My pills make me feel the happy

There really are times when my pills are working right when I really feel sorta spiffy. It's a mild euphoria almost and I'm not sure if it's drug related or just a result of pain removal. I've always complained before that it didn't seem fair that I don't get a high off of opiates. Maybe that's starting to change. Of course, these periods of pleasant reverie never come around all that often. It's unique enough that I always feel obligated to stop and comment on it.
garfield buttsecks

Georgie porgie goes to orgy

So have any of you received any invitations to attend a gay orgy and you're just not sure if you should go? If so, is my entry going to be timely for you or what. From the WTF files, I found a truly bizzare article about a recent gay orgy.

'Men Drugged And Injected With HIV'

Three men drugged and raped more than a dozen gay victims at sex orgies before injecting them with HIV-contaminated blood, a trial has heard.

Twelve of the victims, who range in age from their 20s to their 40s, are now HIV positive, the court in the Dutch city of Groningen was told.

The three HIV-positive suspects are accused of intentionally spreading the deadly virus at sex parties they promoted on the internet.

They face up to 21 years in jail if convicted of aggravated assault, rape, and the illegal possession of drugs.

The trio, aged 35, 48 and 49, were arrested in May last year after a number of their 14 alleged victims laid charges.

The prosecution alleges they were sedated with a combination of ecstasy and the date rape drug GHB before being raped and injected with a cocktail of their assailants' blood.

"The victims hope that their assailants will be punished," said the victims' lawyer Fred Kappelhof.

"They are hoping the trial will provide an answer to the question of why this happened to them."

If the men are convicted, the victims plan to launch civil proceedings for compensation.

In June 2006, health authorities reported a rapid rise in HIV infections among homosexual men in Groningen, and issued warning pamphlets at gay meeting areas.

Is that fucked up or what? I can just picture a buncha gay guys surrounding their victims and chanting 'One of us! One of us! One of us!'. I wonder if this is just an offshoot of bug chasers. Those were the gay guys who claimed that it was their goal to become HIV infected, usually for insane sort of reasons. Frankly, I'm not sure there are many sane reasons to want to get AIDS. Maybe too many of the bug chasers were coming to their senses and some people felt a need to take action to bring the stupid back into the whole situation.

Personally, I'm hoping that the story breaks that these were a gang of gay vampires. Maybe they read the Twilight books once too often and decided to go and create their own coven.
domo costume

Domotastic

a while back prismcat posted an ebay link to a domo-kun change purchase that was on sale. It got my thinking since I needed a new camera bag for my digital camera/flip mino. Nothing I had really fit right and so I searched around on ebay until I found something that looked like it would do the job. It just arrived in the mail today.



Don't ask about the summer sausage. Lets just say I happened to have one sitting around.

It's a tighter fit than I might have wanted, but I don't think they'll end up damaging one another in there. I should just find myself a small terrycloth and wrap one to make sure. Few things drive me nuttier than scratches on electronics.