June 9th, 2009

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Death by Ninjas

I know it seemed from the last entry I wasn't going to yak about David Carradine on here, but I just can't help it. The story should have ended after they found him hanging with a rope tied around his tallywhacker but instead it's become the gift that keeps on giving. First and foremost, it looks like my prayers were answered. I remarked, upon reading that a maid discovered his body, that I hoped that someone had taken some pictures before cutting his ass down and if we were lucky they would be front page material. It looks like someone did take pictures and the less risque ones just hit print.

Don't even think about asking me what it says. I have no fucking clue because I don't speak or read gibberese. My best guess is it's probably something like 'HAHAHA! Look at the dead asshole we found hanging by his balls!'. This is just an educated guess though.

Even before I could fully get over my schadenfreudic joy over this, there was more lolz to be had. It seems his lawyer went on Larry King and disgorged a whole load of crazy for the world to see.

The Carradine family lawyer Mark Geragos spoke on Larry King Live and dismissed claims of suicide, stating instead that David Carradine could have been murdered by a "secret sect of kung fu assassins", after it was revealed that Carradine had been attempting to uncover groups working in the martial-arts underworld.

Did you get that? David Carradine was stripped naked, had a rope tied around his penis, and was hung by NINJAS. Fucking NINJAS. First of all, I thought those guys ripped your heart out or stabbed you with swords or broke every bone in your body with secret martial arts techniques. Stripping you nekkid and tying up your hooha seems a little outside the norm doesn't it? It makes me wonder if there's some crazy sect of S&M ninjas roaming the streets out there. You know they're around when people dressed in leather gimp masks end up choking to death on feces and the like.

All I have to say is this couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Rot in hell, Carradine.