Also a given in the world of high stakes competative chess beauty contests is the spector of vote rigging. Or, as the judges in this case and political pundits in general like to call 'voting irregularities'.
Unfortunately, we have recently noted voting irregularities: a photo of a selected contender is rated 2700, whilst the ratings of all her nearest rivals are negatively skewed by rating them all at 2000. As a result, we are in a situation when the ratings of the top 25 differ only minimally, and are obviously underestimated. Therefore, we have been compelled to establish a monitoring system behind the voting, allowing us to check for these unfair tactics.
Oh the shame of it all. Ballot box stuffing and trying to tank rivals. What would the chess God think of these tactics? Well, considering that some of the grand masters were neurotic basket cases who would have their intermediaries dicker for months about the position of the table and the lighting and once (from what I hear) even had a guy set up the angle so he could use his water glass to reflect light into his opponents eyes as a distraction, I think they would approve. No one ever clawed their way to the top of the chess world by being a normal person. Take Bobby Fischer for instance. He's so anti-semitic he's almost comical. Here are some quotes as he expounds on his fixation:
Jews were always were always bastards throughout history. They are liars, they are the worst pieces of shit in the world. They mutilate their own children...You know the Jews control the courts...The United States is a farce controlled by dirty, hook-nosed circumcised Jew bastards."
"...What's the difference between a good Jew and bad Jew?...The good Jew fucks you slower."
Man, you gotta love the guy. Well, not for the sentiments expressed above exactly but because of his response to the question asking him if he was anti-semitic.
“In the first place, this term anti-Semitism is a nonsense term because my understanding is that the Arabs are also Semites, not only the Jews, so I don’t know what that means. I’m definitely not anti-Arab.”
Delicious, no? It's almost clintonesque. You almost wish that clinton was dead so that he could smile down upon such things as he's playing the harp and schtooking cleopatra in the afterlife. Remember kids, everytime some jackoff argues over the definition of 'is' or other generally understood term in order to avoid answering the question, a bubba gets his wings*.
Hell, how the heck did I manage to take this entry on such a detour?
*Or blowjob of equal or lesser value