In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

  • Mood:

Do people not like me because I tell them to go fuck themselves?

Well, I mailed off the first application. I don't feel sanguine about any of this crap. With the huge competition for slots and my sort of lackluster early's going to be a mess IMO. I wonder is that is going to dog me for the rest of my life. It's like what they told you in all those teen highschool shows like saved by the bell. You just can't escape your permanant record in academia. It follows you around like the fucking plague. You can be 50 and applying for something and someone will still notice that you got a fraking D in the second half of general chem and there's absolutely fuck nothing you can do about it.

It looks like I was accepted for the trial whozit too. It basically means that I get to go back in two weeks and they'll have more doctors prod at me and then hand me off a buncha syringes with crap so I can jab myself. Not looking forward to this crap. First, the medication isn't actually supposed to cure anything. It's just supposed to make it more manageable by reducing pain and the like. Fuck that. I'm not even sure if it's worth the self-stabings if all I get is a little pain relief, and then only while I'm on the medication. It's like those drug dealers who give you a little taste hoping to addict you. If this stuff did relief symptoms while I was on it, WTF am I supposed to do once the trial ends? The crap is supposed to cost 20-30k a year and that's the price even if I had insurance since this is off-label use. God only knows how much pricier it could get with no insurance whatsoever.

Life is better when you keep your expectations down at rock bottom. It's harder for the universe to fuck with you that way.

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