In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

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Curling = Lamer than bowling

Another four years have passed and it's time once again to bitch about the winter olympics. I just spent around 20 minutes watching a curling match between the US and finland, trying to somehow intuit the rules based on where the teams threw their slidey stones and the babbling of the commentators. Lacking the prerequisite vocabulary, this proved more difficult than I thought. I assumed the americans had won the match but apparently unlike darts, it's not simply how many whozits you get closest to the bullseye.

What's plain for everyone to see is that the sports of the winter olympics suck ass. They all stink en masse. The only reason for them is that it gives scandinavian countries a reason to remind the rest of the world that they exist and seems to serve no other purpose whatsoever. Take the biathalon as an example. It was the first event to award a medal this year and combines the two sports of skiing and shooting. WTF? Who in the world came up with this combination? It's not a sport. It's a recruiting tool for the CIA or Mossad. Why the hell would you need to assess someone's ability to cross country ski very quickly and then shoot for accuracy? It reminds me of that opening scene in True Lies where Arnold makes his way down the snowpacked mountain spraying bullets into hoards of terrorists on skis and wearing those white parka whozits. Ever person who medals in the event should receive a offer from the spooks to join black op missions.

Curling on the otherhand is just like bowling but where you actually need a couple of lamers with brooms to help you out. It's like seeing someone play shuffleboard in slow motion with a couple of idiots on either side blowing on the puck trying to change its course. I kept hoping that someone would accidently kick one of the stones, but no such luck.

It's no wonder that ratings are way down from 4 years ago and that no one is watching this crap. Why don't they have something fun like competative team snowball fights? That might be very entertaining. I also wouldn't mind seeing an event centered around speed snowman construction or sled slalom. No new fangled sleds either with their aerodynamic bodies and lightweight metals and crap. Those old wooden ones or the ones that look like giant trash can lids. That would kick ass.

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