In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

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I stumbled across this and it reminded me why it's spiffy to not have a roommate.

Dear Roommate,

I know you were expecting me to be gone for the day. I know that I don’t usually come back to the house 15 minutes after I’ve left, but I forgot the document I was proofing last night and although I do have an e copy of it, I needed the notes I made on that copy while we watched a movie together last night. So, I had to come back home to get it.

It was in our living room that I noticed a familiar sound coming from my side of the house and figured I might have bumped it while getting something out of my drawer this morning and it turned itself on. I was not very prepared for what had really happened.

Now, I know that we’ve become closer over the last month or so then we ever have been. We both lost our significant other at approximately the same time. We’ve been doing more things together, like seeing movies, getting drinks, sun bathing, shopping and the like. I still don’t think that we’re close enough that we can share “personal” items of an intimate nature with each other. I know we’ve talked about sex, but this might have been a little bit over the line.

When I got to my bedroom door and you were there, face buried in my pillow, on your knees, nude with my vibrator penetrating your anus and your hand feverishly rubbing your clit, I have to admit, the sight took my breath away for a moment. Now, I’m not turned on by other women, but you took my breath away.

The first shock was the nakedness in my bed while I was not there; the second was that you were using my vibrator and the third that it was in your butt. Now, I’m not against butt play. I kind of like it sometimes. But a few sickening thoughts went through my head in the 10 seconds I stood there with my mouth gaping open before I left without you even noticing I was there.

How often did you use my vibrator? Why on my bed? Why in your butt? Did you wash it afterwards? Now, if you have used it in your butt before, then your butt has been in me since my toy has been in me. I was not aware that we were sharing bodily fluids. Maybe we should kiss tonight to close the circle. *shudders* I wouldn’t even let my boyfriend put his penis in my vagina after it had been in my butt (until a shower anyway) because I don’t want butt in my vagina.

I’ll be tossing my toy tonight. Or maybe I’ll just put it under your pillow. I don’t want it anymore. All I can think about is weather or not my vagina smells like a butt now. I think I’m going to have to buy a douche on the way home tonight. Would you like me to pick you up an enema so that your butt doesn’t smell like vagina? And I plan on burning my sheets, pillow and comforter tonight so I hope you don’t have plans for the fireplace.

Thinking about this and putting pen to paper over the subject has just made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Your Roommate

This little letter also reminds me of someone I knew at the Lab once. She had a boyfriend with whom she had a little, errr, issue that was similar to the above. She had walked in one day to find him on the floor with her vibrator in his butt. I'm not sure what her reaction was like but I'm pretty sure it was quite a surprising turn of events. The story became work gossip and the source of a good amount of snickering as you might imagine. I guess the moral of both of these stories is that it probaly isn't a bad idea to get yourself one of these, ladies.
Tags: humor

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