1) These are some super gay hobbits
2) Aragorn can actually be cleaned up with enough soap and bleach
3) Rohan is populated by idiots with horses and bows but who apparently never considered how useful horse archers would be
4) Always cultivate your own ghost army for future times of need
5) Go superelf!
I'm thinking of getting some sleep so I can head back to the lab sometime around 2-3 am and finish up that paper if I can.