You had best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your neck
How tall are you, private?
Sir, five-foot-nine, sir!
Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high. You trying to squeeze an inch on me somewhere, huh?
"Sir, No Sir.
Bullshit! It looks to me like the best part of you ran down the crack of your mama's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress. I think you've been cheated. Where the hell you from anyway private?
Sir, Texas, Sir.
Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas Private Cowboy and you don't look much like a steer so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
Sir, No Sir.
Are you a Peter Puffer?
Sir, No Sir.
I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around. I'll be watching you.
Who said that? Who the fuck said that? Who's the slimy little communist shit, twinkle-toed cocksucker down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy fucking godmother said it. Out-fucking-standing. I will PT you all until you fucking die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk.
How can you shoot women and children?
Easy... you don't lead 'em so much.
Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
Sir, no, sir!
Well, well, Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!
Sir, the private said "no, sir," sir!
Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit!
You Goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out!
Sir, NEGATIVE, sir!
Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?
Sir, NEGATIVE, sir! Sir, the private belives any answer he gives will be wrong and the Senior Drill Instructor will only beat him harder if he reverses himself, SIR!
This is my rifle. There are many like it but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.
This is my rifle, this is my gun.
This is for fighting, this is for fun.
Are you quitting on me? Well, are you? Then quit, you slimy fucking walrus-looking piece of shit. Get the fuck off of my obstacle. Get the fuck down off of my obstacle. Now. Move it. I'm going to rip your balls off, so you cannot contaminate the rest of the world. I will motivate you, Private Pyle, if it short-dicks every cannibal on the Congo.