September 19, 2006
MISTER ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD, PA—A plan to radically redistrict Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood to further cement the control of the powerful King Friday XIII political machine is expected to pass this week and deeply affect current taxation structure, voting patterns, and services. "Meow-me-meow can't afford meow property tax as it stands now meow, and meow don't want everything I've worked for to be destroyed meow," said one resident, who asked to remain anonymous. Among the anticipated changes are sharp cutbacks in speedy deliveries, the elimination of trolley routes to such low-income districts as Someplace Else and the platypus mound, as well as the destruction of the Museum-Go-Round to make room for a massive new headquarters for The Electric Company.
All hail King Friday and his long overdue reforms. Everyone knows that Someplace Else and the platypus mound were just crime-breeding ghettoes and a drain on kingdom resources. By removing their access to public transportation, we can keep their problems from infecting the other citizens. It's also a triumph that King Friday has managed to convince The Electric Company to move their corporate headquarters to The Land of Make Believe. This will no doubt provide many well-paying jobs and be a real boost to the economy.