In 1983, as the residents of Calcata, a small town 30 miles north of Rome, prepared for their annual procession honoring a holy relic, a shocking announcement from the parish priest put a damper on festivities. "This year, the holy relic will not be exposed to the devotion of the faithful. It has vanished. Sacrilegious thieves have taken it from my home." Not since the Middle Ages, when lopped-off body parts of divine do-gooders were bought, sold, and traded, has relic theft been big news. But the mysterious disappearance of Calcata's beloved curio is different.
This wasn't just the residuum of any holy human—nor was it just any body part. It was the foreskin of Jesus Christ, the snipped-off tip of the savior's penis, the only piece of his body he supposedly left on earth.
A little more searching around found that this wasn't part of some off-color joke. Apparently there are people who actually believe the 'Holy Prepuce' is still around and spent some time at the head of a parade. I'm not quite sure if I find the idea simply repulsive or even slightly terrifying. It actually gets worse on both levels.
Because the sweet scent that the relic was supposed to give off was reputed to enhance fertility and ease childbirth....Saint Bridget was said to have received the Holy Prepuce from an angel, and would experience "orgasm-like sensations" when she would place bits of it on her tongue.
Holy shit, batman. I don't care if it really is the foreskin of Jesus or not, you should not be fucking licking that shit. Even just sniffing it is pretty frakking disturbing. I dunno about anyone else, but if I were a christian, I'd be a little nonplussed at the idea that the only chunk of my savior that actually exists on Earth is his foreskin. You'd think it would have been zapped up with him, or at least that's the less repulsive option.