In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

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De profundis clamo ad te Domine

There's not much question that the situation has been getting worse on the whole pain front as of late. What's worse though is that I just don't seem to have any real emotional reserves left. My pain tolerance level has gone down the toilet of late and there are plenty of times where I feel like I'm hanging by a string. It's not quite to the point where I'm seriously considering putting a gun in my mouth, but it's a scene that you can see off on the horizon somewhere. Things are bad enough that I'm thinking that I might really have to find a doctor that specializes in pain management and just dope myself more or less consistantly, at least until I recover some emotional reserves. I think I've just spent too much time teetering on the edge and it adds up. Popping more pills also seems to be causing tolerance as I feared. I'm leery about upping the dosage which might simply exacerbate the problem but I just can't handle the constant grind anymore.
Tags: chronic pain
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