In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

  • Mood:

Fucking unfair

I was watching TLC last night and stumbled upon some show about a gargantuan fat man. I think he was actually the fatest man in the world or some such, having topped the scales at over 1,200 pounds at one point. The takehome message for me was a profound feeling of rage. I know it's ridiculous since he was bed-ridden and looked like he was body boarding on himself, but I begrudged him the fact that of what he could move, he did it easier and with none of the pain and other issues I have. It hardly seems fair somehow. Almost every movement of mine brings some degree of discomfort or outright pain and he has more freedom of movement than I do.

That's often what I really miss when I think about it. I can never move with speed or without deliberate care. I can never 'flop' into a chair, or on the floor, or make any other movements that other people take for granted. It's like being old and crippled with a touch of stabby pain thrown in for flavor. It's a sad day when you end up envying cancer patients. At least they usually go into remission or die.
Tags: chronic pain
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