In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

  • Mood:

God this tastes like shit

No. I haven't started working on the presentation yet. I've been dicking around opening doors, turning on printers, reading articles in newsweek and on slate and so on. While I was going around doing this I noticed the cases of 1 liter seltzer that Lori and Robert (two people in the lab had picked up). Apparently they both have an obsession with the stuff and picked up a ton of the poland spring flavored bottles. I haven't tried seltzer in years and years, and since I'm here procrastinating I thought I'd take one and give it another try. I looked through the avaliable flavors and settled on raspberry lime. Sounds good already, no? Surely no one could farg up raspberry. So I return to my desk with my purloined prize and open it up.

*sniff* *sniff*

Hey! It smells like raspberries, or maybe like a fruit punch. Very aromatic and sweet smelling. Like if I had cracked open a a half gallon of some sort of fruit punch and kool-aid was going to come crashing through a wall at any minute. So feeling much better about how this was going to go, I take a sip. YECK! It tastes like shit. There's no hint of raspberry or anything in the flavor other than bubbly and bitter shit. And God above...the aftertaste. Feh, I'd like to spit it out of my mouth but it won't leave. This has got to be some of the vilest crap I've ever tried to consume beveragewise. So now the damn liter bottle is sitting on my desk, mocking me with it's bubbling. I'm not kidding either...it's still bubbling like crazy. Not like soda that stops after a while...this thing keeps going as more and more bubbles form and rise to the surface. Exactly how much CO2 did they pump into this crap. I'm curious if maybe I let all the C02 disapate, it'll be like normal water and actually drinkable.

I don't think I've ever felt this betrayed by smell before. Even now I can still detect that hint of sweet sweet fruit punch in the air. How can it smell like spiffy fruitpunch and taste like bitter shit? I just don't understand it. I'd like to throttle the developer who's responsible for it though. This is just like those baby steps toward cloning. It must be stopped here and now. Sure, at the moment it's all about letting infertile couples have babies, but then it'll grow and the slope will slip and the next thing you know we're battling some sort of super clone army that probaly runs on this shitty seltzer and fires laser beams from their eyes. This flavored seltzer crap must be stopped. At the least there should be a warning label somewhere.

Smells like fruit punch

But still tastes like SHIT!


BTW, if you're reading this and I haven't already, remind me to reimburse you for the bottle of shit Lori.


15 minutes later or so:

I've been shaking this bottle and letting all the C02 out. I'm sorry to say that it still tastes like shit, just a little less so. You might even be wondering why I'm even bothering to try and drink something that apparently tastes vile. Well, I don't like the idea of wasting it, and I did take it from people who I'm sure would have enjoyed it. God knows why. It seems like it would behoove me to at least try to consume it, even if I hate it and would sooner drink my own urine. Feh.
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