Overall, I'm not a huge fan of reading his stuff because it pales in comparrison to hearing him read it. There's just something about his voice that accentuates the funny as far as I'm concerned. I occassionally search his name on bittorrent search engines, only to be disapointed by the same lack of hits. Well, maybe because it's the christmas season but someone uploaded a copy of Holidays on Ice recently and I managed to snag it. It's a perfect series of holiday-related stories for every misanthrope you might know. These are not the happy fuzzy sort of christmas tales you might usually find. Part of it recounts his time working as the elf, Crumpet, at Macy's Santaland during the christmas season. It's hard to imagine an experience more likely to engender horror and a general loathing for all of humanity. There are also some pure-fiction stories accentuating various holiday sins which will warm any heart.
I really hate this time of year.
Speaking of mall and department store Santa's, I just saw an article come across CNN that's on point.
Mall Santa says woman groped him
DANBURY, Connecticut (AP) -- Santa Claus says that a woman who sat on his lap was naughty, not nice.
A Santa at the Danbury Fair mall said the woman groped him.
"The security officer at the mall said Santa Claus has been sexually assaulted," police Detective Lt. Thomas Michael said of the weekend complaint.
Sandrama Lamy, 33, of Danbury, was charged with sexual assault and breach of peace. She was released on a promise to appear in court on January 3.
Police quickly found and identified Lamy because the woman was described as being on crutches, said Capt. Bob Myles.
A call seeking comment from Lamy was answered by a recording Tuesday morning. A woman later called back and said: "It's a false report and I don't have any idea."
Police did not give the name of the disconcerted Santa, but they said he is 65 and felt badly because children were waiting to see him. "He was apparently shocked and embarrassed by the whole incident," Myles said.
You'd think that a nice grope would be one of the few fringe benefits of being Santa. Still, part of me can't help but hope they throw the book at her. It would be funny to see someone have to register as a sex offender because you copped a feel off of Santa. Imagine trying to explain that the next time you filled out a job application.