In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

  • Mood:

Welcome to the University of Chicago

We will begin our tour today with the animal behavioral lab in which I routinely chop up rats and offend leftist treehugging petaites. You have no idea how satisfying that is.

Here we have Ellis ave, leading to the university of chicago hospital. You can also see Chauchau, our tour guide for the day gesticulating wildly about something or other. I wasn't paying overly much attention. I think she was rambling on about rows of trees on the midway and how pretty they look or something like that.

Here we have our first view of the Surgery and Brain Research Pavillion, our eventual entry into the hospital. As you can see there is a nice open area in front with plenty of trees and benches and bugs and dirt and other nature filled crap that some people feel they just need to have.

And here is an example of why art sucks and pinko lefties should be forced to stop spending money on this stupid crap. This 'art piece' sits in front of the
hospital. A giant metal ball. What does it signify? An expression of the wholeness of human existance? A marker for alien spacecraft so they can more easily get their bearings when flying over the city looking for large breasted women to abduct? Or perhaps it's simply a large metal antenna used to secretly tune in to illegal cable and major league baseball games for retransmission to mexico. Regardless of the inner meaning of this piece, I can assure you it was probaly expensive. It's also impossible to try to knock it off its place, causing it to roll down the street crushing pedestrians and causing bloody mayhem. I've tried.

To the right of the pavillion we will be entering is the university of chicago book store where highly overpriced knickknacks can be purchased. We also see another useless, though highly expensive, piece of 'art' in the foreground.

Here we have a closeup picture of the 'art' in question. As you can see it looks like it's a piece out of someone's giant remote control car. What a useless piece of shit you might be thinking to yourself right now, but there's something you don't know. It rotates. Yep, the reefer smoking hippie that designed this piece has it set on a platform that rotates. It's heavy as sin but if you get a couple people involved you can actually spin this sucker like a top. How's that for money well spent?

Again, a place where highly overpriced knickknacks can be purchased along with overpriced coffee used to placate the masses of caffeine seeking drones. As you can see, we have a few worker bees in the picture just exiting with their fix in hand.

But enough of that, and back to the tour. Here is the surgery and brain research pavillion and our entrance to the university of chicago hospital. As you can see, our tour guide chau is standing in front to show us the way inside. Remember, you can only use the revolving doors to enter for some obscure reason and not the perfectly functional doors in between.

As we enter the pavillion, we turn to the right and what do we see? Actually, I don't recall what this place is called since I've never bought anything from it. I know that they're horribly overpriced and their stuff for lunch is mostly froofroo crap. Any place that charges something like $1.10 for a banana deserves to be bombed into the ground.

Speaking of bombs, meet the first line of defense. Mr security person. I don't know his name and they all rotate anyway so it's not the easiest thing to strike up a rapport. He should be checking to make sure that we have the proper id to enter the building. It's just as well he's not bothering since only the most shit for brains terrorist would fail to jump this ground-level hurdle. They actually gave it a go soon after 9-11, and it became a major pain to always have your id with you in order to enter. Luckily, it's gone back to the half assed way it always was and everyone's happy.

So leaving the security desk and the lobby we follow Chau and make our way down the hallway. There are bathrooms and a water fountain to the left and then stairs. Woooo. We travel up the stairs and what do we find?

Weee, it's the door to the lab. Look, as our tour guide is showing us, it's 'restricted'. Luckily we all have the keys needed to transverse this obstacle and continue on our way. While out of the shot there is also a slash card reader where your hospital id can be used to gain admittance. We have to keep those hippie whackjobs from peta out after all.

Ahh, the lab. Just look at the hallowed hallway of scientific endevor. You can see posters on the walls from previous meetings where they were presented and of course plenty of office space.

Look! It's the 'wet' lab. Here we store all the various chemical whozits that come in handy in a scientific research lab. It also holds all the glassware, a fridge, and drugs in a locked off area. It, like the rest of the lab, is also plastered with ferret posters. Can you find the ferret poster in this picture, class? The Lab Manager is a ferret nut and she likes to put them up everywhere there's a spare chunk of wall space.

And finally, here's my office. Well, it's not exactly my office seeing as up to three other people share it. I'm the messy one in the corner there with the papers all over the place and the messy desk.

Woo, look. Stuffed animals on the computer. The beanie baby on the left is a san francisco bear someone picked up while visiting. Not surprising it's a mutlicolor tie-dye. It also happens to have a small hole in the butt. Make of that what you will. He's sitting next to ducky from the land before time, curious george flying in a rocket ship of some sort and the big blue bear I pulled out of one of those skill cranes at a jewel ossco.

And we end the tour for today with my goldfish bowl. It hasn't held goldfish in at least half a year. It once held two, but they both croaked and I coudln't be bothered to either clean the tank, buy new goldfish, or even empty the old one out. It has a treasure chest that blows bubbles in it as you can see from the picture.

So that completes our tour for the day. Please exit to the left where you will find the gift shop and snack stand. I hope you have enjoyed your visit with us and will send me lots of money in compensation for my time and effort.

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded