In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

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Satanic Cat Watch: Day 1654

I got an email today that disturbs me greatly. It was from the Purina Pet Food company and contianed the following:

Dear HENRY,
Your kitten xanadu is now 12 months old!

Happy Birthday to xanadu!
Happy 1st Birthday, dear xanadu! Your kitten is now officially an adult cat, so you'll want to schedule her annual visit to the veterinarian to make sure all of her vaccinations are up-to-date. You'll also want to transition her fully from kitten food to adult food. You can provide textures and flavors in her diet, by offering wet as well as dry adult food. With all this nutrition, great taste, and variety - it's a great time to be a Purina cat!

WTF? To my knowledge, I've never had a kitten in my life and now all of a sudden my kitten's become a cat? Even if I were insane enough to have a cat, why in the world would I name the damn thing Xanadu? That name is totally teh ghey.

At first I just chalked this up to some sort of spam or database error and went to delete it. Then I thought to myself...what if they're right? After all, this is a huge company with thousands of employees and makes millions of dollars a year. What if they know what they're talking about and there's actually been a cat somewhere in this house for the past year. If I haven't seen it all this time then it could only mean that it's purposely hiding from me. Since I haven't even caught so much as a glimpse, it may mean that the cat is invisible or has other supernatural powers. It probably only stalks in at night when I'm sleeping to try to suck out my soul. What I really need now is a bear trap.
Tags: satanic cat watch
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