In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

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Moveon.org bullshit test: The big game

Well it's finally time for the moment of truth. As some of you may know from reading raanve's LJ, we had a discussion about some accusations by moveon.org. In addition to what I felt was a lot of ignorance and idiocy in their whinefest, they stated that they felt CBS held a double standard because it was running a bush political ad while refusing to accept theirs. In order to determine the truthfulness of this claim, I have decided to give the ultimate sacrifice. I will actually watch the superbowl all the way through, something I have neve done in my entire life. I will track the commercials as they appear and tally the number of political attack ads that CBS has allowed on the air while barring moveon.org.

Commercials so far:
[I might have missed one right before the budlight one. I was coming out of the shower just as the budlight ad was finishing but these commercials were all before the start of the game anyway)
Budlight
Pizza Hut
Ford GT

First post-kickoff commercial break:
Crotch-biting Budlight dog
Alien Fedex thing
Dodge Magnum monkey on your back

2nd:
Bears trying to buy pepsi
Quatro razor with Colby
AoL crap with those motorcycle guys on discover channel

3rd: (BTW, WTF?!? There's a commercial break every 2 minutes. I've barely finished jotting down the last set before there's another coming)
Movie preview for Van Helsing
Budlight bikini wax

4th:
Movie preview for ewww Brad Pitt in Troy. How fucking gay can you get
Willie Nelson does your taxes
Good God. Some freaking clown car from Chevy

5th:
Movie preview for yet another adam sandler/drew barrymore movie
Poor berated Budweiser referee
Monster.com crap commercial

6th:
Sierra Mist drinking kilt wearing bagpippers
Movie Preview for Miracle. Hockey sucks
Levitra? What the fuck is levitra? Some sort of super viagra?

7th:
Everyone loves donkeys, ecspecially drunk ones on budweiser
Movie preview for...looks crappy...for...The alamo. Bleh

8th:
I fought the law and the law won. Now I download music but only with the power of Pepsi
Levitra again. If it's the viagra whozit, nice image of the football through the tire. Why not just do pistons or a train driving into a mountain pass.
I hate car commercials. Mitsubishi.

9th:
Yet another budlight commercial. Jesus christ. How much are they spending?
Just say No to smoking kids. Listen to Phillip Morris.

10th:
Movie preview for..god is this movie going to suck..starsky and hutch
Pepsi and chubby girls
Freaky kid likes Linix. More reason to stick with windows.

Pats score: 7-0

11th:
Olympic beach volleyball in the snow...but where are the erect nipples I ask you? Major disapointment. Was this a visa commercial? I was busy looking for nipples.

12th:
Movie preview for...some johnny depp movie....secret window. Dosen't look appealing either
Kids eating soap. Bad chevrolet. Curse you for making such a wonderful car
Old people fighting for potato chips. Lays suck anyway

13th:
Another commercial for AoL with those bike guys from the discovery channel.

How fucking long is this game? I'm sick to fucking death of it. It sucks, the commercials suck, and I want to take a nap god damnit. Fucking moveon.org. I just know they're full of shit.

Panthers score: Game tied 7-7.

14th:
Join the NFL. Have big heavy guys jumping on you for a living.

Patriots score: Lead game 14-7

Panthers kick a field goal: Losing 14-10

End of the first half. Thank God.

15th:
Movie preview for Eurotrip. Jeez is this movie going to suck ass
Only Vegas...go for the gambling, stay for the hookers
The vega theatre. When you have a lot to compensate for

Halftime show

16th:
Oh my god the singing. Jesus christ! Why the fuck is the NFL torturing us?

17th:
Motorola. A cell phone will make you a super cool james bond-like spy. Trust us
Officemax helps you keep the brothers down in the mailroom happy

18th:
Microsoft wants to help your kids by...well...by doing something or other.
Sierra mist. Induces stupidity.
Expedia helps you find tickets to boring crap.

19th:
Budlight makes you want to fuck monkeys. Avoid.
The mafia don of ink cartridges hates it when big pussy takes you to staples

20th:
Cialis. Eh...more erectile dysfunction medication. May cause penis to pop like overinflated balloon. It makes me wonder what Levitra is now.
Monster.com wants your resume
The NFL network has some guy I've never heard of before

Will this fucking game never end.

21th:
Another movie preview. It looks like another whacky action flick, this time with Aragorn. Hidalgo. Go figure.
Gilette not only removes stuble, it also makes you cool and popular.

These commercials really suck ass.

22nd:
Walter E Smith, you dream it we build it
SBC ameritech. Quite possibly the worst phone company in existance.
Lexus. Bleh.
Walter E Smith yet again. Christ.

Patriots score again. Lead game 21-10

23rd:
Cars again. This time they've managed to mix it with a matrix effect. Still dosen't make me want to buy this piece of crap. Screw cadillac.
Budweiser. Yet another commercial that seems to have nothing to do with booze.

Panthers score again, fail to convert: Losing 21-16

24th:
Anheiser busch reminds you not to drink and drive. After showing you over a half dozen beer commercials during this game.
Honda, the car company for people who were raised by wolves
Simpsons commercial. Spiffykeen. Mastercard wins for most entertaining commercial so far.

There had better be some sort of monstrously huge mea culpa by those fucking moveon idiots. What a buncha ignorant fuckers. Bush had better have an attack commercial on soon.

25th:
Yet another aol commercial about how it goes faster with those bike guys.
Now THIS is the sorta game I'd like to see. It'd be pretty cool to see dave ernheart playing football and running peopel over. Go nextel.
Another kids, don't drink beer even though we've constantly shown you beer commercials all night. What a crock of shit. Their best defense is at least they weren't GOOD commercials.

26th:
I fucking hate these truth ads. They're horribly deceptive and just generally full of shit. I'd like to take one of those shards of glass freeze pops and shove it up their asses.
Make 7-up yours people.

Panthers score: They now lead 22-21. Go figure.

27th:
Just say no to drugs kids. Remember, a loaded shotgun can be your anti-drug.
Car commercial again. Feh. This time it's a camary.

Patriots score, two point conversion: They lead 29-22

28th:
God damnit. Same camary ad I just saw in the last commercial break. WTF.

29th:
Yet another movie preview.
Yes, we KNOW Aol claims to be faster. Shut the fuck up already.

FUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKK! Panthers score: The game is now fucking tied! I can't fucking believe this. I was looking forward to the end of this god awful fucking game already. I am so pissed off. Someone had better fucking score in the next 1:08 or I am going to throw a fit. Someone fucking score!

30th:
AIG. Some kinda old fuddy duddy insurance company.

WOOO! Patriots kick the field goal! They now lead again 32-29. The game is almost over! Only 4 seconds left.

Game's over! Game's over! Thank fucking God, the game is over!

Lets do our commercial recap:

Number of political attack ads run by Bush: 0

Number of political attack ads run by anyone else: 0*

Number of political ads run by Bush: 0

Number of political ads run by anyone else: 0

Have something to say, Raanve? Maybe I missed it somewhere through that 4 and a half hours of crap, but I didn't see a single bush ad that moveon.org claimed was being run.



*: Unless you want to count that truth.com piece of shit but it probaly dosen't count.
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