In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

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You can't [strike]go[/strike] leave home again

It seems like it just gets harder and harder to do anything that requires leaving home. It's not like it's impossible or anything, but there's always a constant reminder that there's a price to pay for it. I'm been trying to convince myself for most of the day to go run an errand or two, which includes mailing a package that really needs to get out, but the constant twinge of pain that only gets worse when I move around is a real demotivator. It gets like that for just about everything nowadays. I'm usually willing to pay the price for big or important events, but it often sees like a really steep price to pay just to go out and buy something or mail something.

Given that things have progressively gotten worse of late and the meds are less effective, it's not really a surprise that I seldom leave the house more than once a week or so. I'm practically a shut-in. It's not really a horrible existence or anything, but it does seem sort of pathetic when viewed from society's lens. I've never much cared what other people think, but it's hard not to feel a bit regretful and resentful anyway.

It's the decline in the meds that's the real problem. Even as late as a few months ago, I could always pop a handful of pills and be guaranteed a length of functionality. It might take a while for them to kick in, but there was a certainly the pills would eventually do their job and I could do whatever needed doing. There would be a price, for sure, but that price would often be payed after the chore was done. Nowadays there's no certainty the pills will work completely. The amount I've popped today hasn't been effective at all, for instance. So now, if I were to undertake the same journey out, the price in pain would have to be payed both during and after. Is it any wonder I find it hard to pull the trigger on a deal like that.
Tags: chronic pain, drugs

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