In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

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Magical Penis Thieves

Every once and a while, you run across a blurb for a news/magazine article and just can't help but want to read the rest. In this case Harper's magazine did a 6-page story on the magical penis thieves of Africa. See? You're interested already, aren't you? Unfortunately, the only way to access the article at the moment is to pay $17 to Harper's magazine for an online subscription and while I might be curious, I don't think I'm $17 curious. So instead, I figured I'd just do some reading on the history of penis thievery without taking a look at the article.

It turns out that the idea of penis theft is pretty common in Nigeria and other countries in that area. The crime includes not only the outright theft of penises but the shrinking of them as well. Hell, I've known a few women in my time who had the same effect. Maybe they should be charged with something based on that.

Anyway, magical penis theft has often grown into an epidemic of cultural hysteria. I guess it'd be sort of like seeing non-stop 'SUMMER OF THE SHARK' stories on cable news.

Ilechukwu reports on "epidemics" of temporary magical penis loss in Nigeria during the mid-1970s, and again in 1990. A major Nigerian episode of "vanishing" genitalia in 1990, mainly affected men, but sometimes women, while walking in public places. Accusations were typically triggered by incidental body contact with a stranger that was interpreted as intentionally contrived, followed by unusual sensations within the scrotum. The affected person would then physically grab their genitals to confirm that all or parts were missing, after which he would shout a phrase such as "Thief! my genitals are gone!". The "victim" would then completely disrobe to convince quickly gathering crowds of bystanders that his penis was actually missing. The accused was threatened and usually beaten (sometimes fatally) until the genitals were "returned."

While some "victims" soon realized that their genitalia were intact, "many then claimed that they were 'returned' at the time they raised the alarm or that, although the penis had been 'returned, it was shrunken and so probably a 'wrong' one or just the ghost of a penis". In such instances, the assault or lynching would usually continue until the "original, real" penis reappeared.

I must admit, I'm sort of enamored with this idea. I can just imagine some Nigerian guy saying, 'Yeah, well, it was bigger before but then there was that magical penis thief that came to town.' It's also fun to imagine just what things would be like if it were possible to steal penises. Excuse me, but we caught this guy climbing out of your bedroom window last night and he had a giant bag of penises with him. Could you please look at the contents and tell us which penis is yours? At which point you could anticipate a bit of a scuffle as many of the victims tried to trade up for a larger model.

In the end, I guess what goes around comes around. I think the next time I get a phishing scam from Nigeria, I'll just respond that if they don't leave me alone I'll send someone to steal their penis.
Tags: crime/law, news, pr0n

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