In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

  • Mood:

Agony

It's a couple days till I have to leave for Origins and I don't know how I'm going to do it. It's never been this bad in my life and I'm not sure I can handle this trip. There's a good chance I'm going to have some pain induced breakdown along the way. After all, I'm so fucked up right now that I can't get myself to travel outside the house to run errands but I'll somehow survive a drive to Ohio and then functionally run games and crap? It's almost laughable. I just don't know what to do about it all. I can only hope that the steroids come through in herculean fashion, because if they don't....

The pain is no longer just a deterrent. It's become full out incapacitation at times. It's simply not something that I can grit my teeth and move on through anymore.

Of course, I've been trying to take as few meds as possible lately which no doubt adds to my difficulty. I can always hope that if I pop pills like a hophead starting tuesday, I can maybe manage to survive. It'll be 5 days in origins and if I burn through my entire stash, I should have enough pills to keep me on the verge of vomiting the entire time. That does mean that I'll be just about empty by the time I get back, but I can't worry about that now.

If I didn't agree to help Playroom out, I'd back out right now. I never thought it would be this bad.
Tags: chronic pain, drugs, origins, playroom entertainment
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