In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy
  • Mood: depressed

I fold

I just went and got a refund on all of my events for the day. I just couldn't handle the way the pain and inflammation were spiking. Even popping pills like candy hasn't been able to buy me functionality in these sort of conditions. It's fine when I'm in the room lying around but having to walk around and actually do things just exacerbates the problem. Luckily, the events I dropped today were all optional ones. That'll change tomorrow when I have to start running events for playroom. I am not sanguine about things.

I just dunno. For the first time I really feel like a cripple. In the past, I was always screwy but I knew that I could bull through it if I needed to. There were always steroids or extensive pill popping and I could go to the con or make any event I really wanted to go to. This might be the first time I'm just really non-functional. I always said that I did not want to go through surgery again, no matter what happened, but it may be time to reconsider if I can even find a surgeon willing to do the work. The pain and horror from last time are still vivid in my mind but it might be the only option left. With the amount of healing time required, I'd be be out of commission for a good chunk of time. Feh. I just don't know....
Tags: chronic pain, disability, origins
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