In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

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Pain in the arctic

Mornings have been pretty bad lately. It's been my most dysfunctional part of the day by far of late and a clear pattern has been developing. Pain usually wakes me up and it's not long before a couple of codeine go down the chute. I can usually ride that to mid/late afternoon and then it's another pop before a nightly shower and then one into the wee mornings if I'm up long enough for that last one to have worn off. I try to shave off as many pills as I can, unable to get rid of that hoarding reflex that has been drilled into me. You never know when things might run short so skimp and save while you can. I sometimes wonder how much better life would be if I simply had a pile of opiates stacked in my room so that it looked like one of those pictures of multimillion dollar drug busts on the news. Maybe then I could finally rid myself of the impulse to hoard and the extra pain it brings.

In addition to waking with pain, there's one other common occurrence that makes being conscious once more unpleasant. I usually have a fan running in my room 24-7 no matter what and whether it's hot or cold or whatever. I just like the air circulation and the feel of air blowing on me. I'm used to it and I often have a hard time getting to sleep without it. Every once and a while though, it's like my body temperature dips in the middle of the night and what had been a pleasant breeze is now the howl of an arctic gale. Sleep and pain fogged, I will often scramble to throw blankets over myself, not quite shivering, but heartily wishing for a bonfire. It's odd because as soon as I'm up for 5-10 minutes, things stabilize, my internal temp is back up and I want the fan for cooling again. I've just always been curious why this doesn't seem to be a more consistent phenomena. I know that body temperature shifts with your circadian rhythm, usually dipping during sleep and spiking right before you wake. You'd think that if that were the case, I'd always feel chilly in the morning right before getting up. Instead, it's only on those rare days when I wake up chilled to the bone and ready to climb into a convection oven for the warmth.
Tags: chronic pain, sleep

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