In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

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Another long night

Welp, there are no happy fun patches yet. Shelley was off signing to buy her condo yesterday and didn't make it back to the area to get the prescription filled. She has all my insurance information and I'll have to wait until she can get to the pharmacy to sort it out. The problem is that she's not working tomorrow and is supposed to start painting the condo. I'm not sure how pleased she'll be about making a swing into work just to grab the meds. I'm down to 2 tablets of codeine and it's been another rough night where I don't think I'm going to get much, if any, sleep. Still, if I think happy and positive thoughts, this might also be the last sleepless, pain-filled night for a while if those patches work out.

I was doing some more reading on the fentanyl, running google searches looking for other people's experiences with it and other tidbits of information. Much of what I found really started to make me angry since other than a few medical websites, it largely consisted of fucking drug addicts sharing info with one another about how to get the maximal high off of the stuff. I ran across people trying to extract the fentanyl from the gel-center of the patches to others who recommend actually rolling it up and smoking the damn thing. Those druggie fuckers are the reason that so many people with legitimate pain issues have so many problems getting help from doctors. Just thinking about it infuriates me and I wish that we could just execute drug addicts.

I understand more about drugs and drug addiction than the vast majority of the population due to my education and experience, but I still don't viscerally understand it. I can quote statistics and studies and rattle off tons of peer reviewed research about what's happening in the brain when someone takes drugs but at some level it's still a mystery to me. I'm sure part of the giant stumbling block is the fact that I personally don't feel anything positive when taking opiates other than pain relief. There's no euphoria or feeling of well-being other than what results from the removal of the pain. It just baffles me that there are crazy assholes out there who will spend every moment of their lives scamming and scrounging for their next fix. I just can't understand why they can't or choose not to control themselves when it comes to drug consumption, especially when there are so many negative consequences.

Maybe I just got the short end of the stick and there's something screwy in my head where I don't feel drug rewards. I guess that's possible but seriously unlikely. Sure, there are individual differences when it comes to drug response, but it's hard to believe that I don't get anything off of them. Hmmm, it's probably more that I don't equate any of the effects as being positive. Contrary to popular opinion, very few people who take opiates for pain relief ever become addicted to them. I think the percentage in the last study I saw was around 1-2%. People might become dependent, which is more an effect of long term exposure and tolerance, but they don't show the addictive seeking behavior that we associate with drug abuse. I've always felt that's because when people take drugs for pain, their goal is to get rid of the pain. When people take drugs for recreation, their goal is to feel good. It might just be that we all get out of it what we expect to and view it in that perspective.

Oh well.

Hopefully the codeine tab I popped half a hour ago will kick in soon and let me get some sleep. I've got a fair bit to catch up on lately.
Tags: chronic pain, drugs, insomnia
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