In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

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Now is the summer of our discontent

Pain has definitely re-entered my life full throttle. This is not to say that it was completely absent before, but it was definitely more muted. I've had to start taking the codeine boosters pretty regularly over the past few days. I wake up to it and it spikes throughout the day. I had always figured that the 50 microgram does of fentanyl might be too small to do the job fully when I had some breakthrough pain right near the beginning. What I hadn't really counted on was how frequent that breakthrough pain would become in only a month's time. It used to be a rare occurrence that is now happening multiple times a day.

I'm supposed to see a pain specialist in a couple of weeks but I figure it's going to take some time before we work out a relationship where he'll actually provide the drugs I need. Almost all the other doctors I've ever been to have been hesitant to prescribe opiates. I can hope that as someone who deals with pain management, this guy might be different. The one problem I've run into is that I've discovered there are no doctors out there who solely focus on pain management. It seems that almost all of them are into the whole physical therapy gig which is completely useless for me. There is absolutely nothing that physical therapy could do for it. The impression that I'm getting is that this is sort of a way to CYA. It makes it less likely they'll receive scrutiny from the DEA if they're providing this service as well as prescribing potentially addictive drugs. It also likely keeps away some of the dopers. When I told the receptionists that I didn't need physical therapy, there was a definite pause and then some muted conversation in the background.

It's just not right. To this day, I've never gotten any sort of positive feelings out of taking any of these damn drugs. No euphoria ever. Yet, I end up getting crucified for the high it brings to others. More hurdles to jump through and more pain suffered. All because some people get a buzz off of these drugs that I've never so much as experienced once. It's like God's playing a twisted little joke.
Tags: chronic pain, drugs

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