In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

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Oxy Oxy Oxy, oy oy oy

Things have been better since I've been on the Oxy by a noticeable degree. It's not perfect and I still have breakthrough pain a few times a day, but it's not as constant as when I was on the patch. I can't help but wonder if it's just the effect of switching medication. The patch started out pretty good too and slowly deteriorated over the course of months. I'm sad to say that I figure that will be the course of anything I try in the end. There's just that buildup of tolerance that makes it sort of inevitable.

One thing that does sort of cheese me off a bit is the fac that there are plenty of old ladies out there who get way more drugs than I do. When I got on the patch, i found out that Bill S's mom was also on the suckers and had a higher dosage than I did. I went to their halloween party this past saturday and discovered that Bill M's mom is on oxy and has a dose double mine. It just doesn't seem right somehow. I know the doctors are supposed to slowly ramp up the drugs so that morons don't accidentally croak themselves with an overdose but I'm getting sick and tired of the breakthrough pain already. I'm tempted to just start double dipping doctors and get twice the amount of meds I should just so I can adjust the dosage on my own. As it stands, any single doctor is only allowed to prescribe a month's supply of anything so I'm sort of stuck following the instructions. It's not horrible, supplementing with additional codeine and ibuprofen, but it's obnoxious knowing that I could possibly be free of it if I just got what I needed.

Oh, I should also mention that Maddie has started to walk. Just a few days ago she was still at the wobbly one or two steps stage but today she really took off, waddling about everywhere. She's still a bit shaky at it and can't really manage to turn right/left, but it's officially walking. She only turns 11 months old today so it seems that she's on track if not a little ahead.

I've never liked kids in the past. It's hard not to really grow attached to the kid though. Maybe it's some sort of chemical voodoo that's implanted deep in our brains somewhere, but I might actually have some smidgen of a nurturing instinct. Long buried and decayed but I feel it stirring a bit whenever I pick up that little goober and look into her eyes. I do sort of wish that she never grows up though. I've never had any kids who've actually liked me once they start developing a mind of their own.
Tags: drugs, madeline, the bills
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