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Celebrate or die, worms!

Welcome to the greatest civic event this country has seen in over 30 years. That's right. The fateful day has finally arrived and no doubt you are all out celebrating in a tizzy of exuberant joy. If you're not, then you're obviously either a racist, a republican, a realist, or someone who loathes fucking spastic hippies. Please note that these categories are not mutually exclusive. You may check one or more of the boxes if they apply.

So far, I've managed to avoid the hype by avoiding network tv and cable news. I've also done my best to not visit the political and news sites that I would normally peruse in order to not stimulate my gag reflex. One tidbit that I have picked up was that it's believed by some morons that this will be the largest gathering of humanity ever. There are seriously idiots out there who believe that more people will show up at the inauguration than have ever gathered in one place before. I swear my mind's eye is bleeding just thinking about these idiots. It turns out (according to a Time magazine article I read) that the biggest inauguration crowd ever seen was 1 million people for LBJ back around 30 years ago. According to the US census, there were 200 million people living in the US back then. As of 2008, it's estimated that there are just over 300 million here now. So in order to match LBJ's figure, the Obamaniacs would have to amass a crowd of 1.5 million. I figure that's wholly within the realm of possibility and would be at least a minor accomplishment. I almost wish I was a pot dealer or henna tattoo'er living in washington dc. This must be a once in a lifetime week to make mad cash.

I'll admit (Ha) that I didn't think too highly of Obama during the election cycle, but I'm willing to give it a whirl. It's not really in my nature but I'm going to try my best to be patient and give the guy the benefit of the doubt. This would definitely be a much easier task if there weren't all of these crazed Obama cultists roaming around and frothing at the mouth. It's hard not to want to hate the guy when there are so many people who swear he can walk on water. I only hope that Jesus hasn't scheduled his second coming for today or tomorrow. He might be disappointed that so many spazzcases have already found their savior.

Anyway, like I was saying, I'm going to try to cut Obama some slack. Maybe he will manage to be larger than life and a perfect human being. As such, I've decided to give him a pass on the first three things he does to piss me off. That's right. I've instituted a political 3 strikes policy. You might think that's still sort of harsh, but it's a huge step forward for me. Normally, I'd advocating his lynching (whoops. guess I can't use that phrase anymore, right?) burning at the stake just on general principle. I'll count down the strikes and who knows, maybe he'll get through his entire term without running out of them. Anything's possible.


( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 21st, 2009 10:17 pm (UTC)
Well said.

Oh God, are we the only bloggers on LJ that feel this way? Almost every entry on my friends page goes on and on and on about him.
Jan. 21st, 2009 11:18 pm (UTC)
Tell me about it. Ever think that we might be the insane ones? Maybe he is the second coming of Jesus. Or maybe Muhammad is a better fit with the whole Hussein thing. Or hell, even the anti-christ is a distinct possibility.
Jan. 24th, 2009 06:49 pm (UTC)
Chafed conservative vaginas. I never get sick of that smell. There's nothing better than a proud Republican who "Doesn't pay much attention to politics right now" because they lost and their last candidate has an approval rating just above the mendoza line. Wait....let me guess....you're more of a libertarian anyway?
Jan. 24th, 2009 07:00 pm (UTC)
Re: Mmmmmm.......
Nah. I don't nearly have enough faith in humanity to be a libertarian. Still, I'll take being a conservative any day of the weak over a pussy little douchebag like Davyd and the rest of his Kossak fanatics. Greatest civil event in 30 years? Haha. What a bunch of wankers. The best part is we'll probably see those little knobs whining that they're man isn't being liberal enough in a few months by letting 8 year olds have abortions and declaring gerbals to be an endangered species.

This may actually be a case where Obama has more sense than his hoards of teeniebopper fans. I'm sue Davyd is still juicing his panties, but we'll see how long that continues.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )


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