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I have the sads

I think it's all pootie_pie's darn fault too. I have this tendency to get the sads whenever I see other normally chipper people get the sads. The thinking usually runs something like this. If they get the sads, then I should be suicidally depressed because my life is relatively shitty compared to lotsa people. If they feel lonely then I should feel like a leper of some sort.

In other news, yesterday was gencon's housing registration and it wasn't a complete cockup. There were a few minor problems with getting the confirmation emails but it looks like it all worked out in the end. I picked up a room reservation for the Embassy Suites for wednesday through sunday as usual. I don't feel all that enthused about gencon right and that's become a yearly trend. I'm just not as excited about the whole idea of these conventions as I used to be. I sometimes think that if it weren't for the tradition and inertia of it all, that I would just cancel it all. I think that set routine is about the only thing that keeps me from becoming a complete shut-in. It never seems worth the effort to actually make an effort.

How does it end? Swallowed in fire, but not in darkness.

I wish I could believe that.


( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 18th, 2009 10:07 pm (UTC)
Heh, guess what? Today sucks.

Yeah, still depressed over here. Though I have a legit excuse, today - got pissed off at my best friend last night and signed off of Yahoo IM because of him. (Though he WAS being an ass.) He knew I was in a bad mood yesterday, and yet freakin' insulted me. Damn jackass. If I lived in Texas right now, I'd be pulling some kind of prank on his car or house. :p Mess with me, and I'll silly-string your car on a hot day! (Ooooh, so bad-ass.) ;)

In one way, it's awesome that I've influenced your mood. (I am mighty and powerful!) In another sense, that sorta sucks. Look, I have the ability to depress everyone - I'm the life of the freakin' party. Call now to book me for your next big shindig!

I think I'm pretty close to coming clean on my LJ about everything - basically, making an update which states exactly what is going on with my life, (all the bad with the good), and then letting everyone decide at that point if they wanna continue to ride the crazy train with me.
Feb. 19th, 2009 02:45 am (UTC)

I sometimes thing that my only purpose in life at this point is as a comparison piece so other people can feel better about theirs.
Feb. 19th, 2009 02:49 am (UTC)
Well, in that case, you're not helping. I don't see your life as being worse than mine. Mine isn't horrid, obviously, but I think you're doing a bit better than I am.
Feb. 19th, 2009 02:57 am (UTC)
Chronic and debilitating pain.

Permanent disability.

Wasted years of education leading to a pointless PhD.

No income and a leach on family and society.

Weak social network at best.
Feb. 19th, 2009 04:35 am (UTC)
i've got two out of the options above! AND I'M JEWISH.
Feb. 20th, 2009 09:54 am (UTC)
No sympathy for you jewy. Go back to your banks and deli's.
Feb. 19th, 2009 03:38 am (UTC)
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Chronic pain. (Sciatica.)

ADHD. (As you can imagine, a butt-load of fun on top of the sciatica.)

Hypo-thyroidism. (Normally, I wouldn't even care to bring this up, but when combined with the ADHD and CFS, it makes me a moody, forgetful pain-in-the-ass.)

Severe anxiety. (Somatic. I tend to do an awesome job of hiding it, but unfortunately, internalizing it has led to my extreme case of stomach ulcers and severe acid reflux. [Specifically, reflux esophagitis and Barrett's esophagus. I'm on some pretty crazy strong medication to keep it under control so that I don't get stomach cancer.])

5 wasted years of education leading to 2 pointless degrees, 2 additional wasted years toward a graduate degree that I never obtained, and then another 2 years toward another degree that I just plain gave up on last year.

Little income and a leach on husband.

Going through a divorce.

Stupidly adoring a guy in Texas who jerks me around all the fucking time. (Ok, fine, my own damn fault. But it DOES suck.)

4 months since I've last had sex. (Hey, I consider it a major reason that my life is less-than-stellar. Quit laughing!)

All in all, this isn't a pissing contest. Both of our lives suck. I guess there's always alcohol. ;p
Feb. 19th, 2009 04:08 am (UTC)
I could so easily win this competition if I were willing to disclose the really horrible stuff.

Of course, the whole alcohol thing doesn't help me much. I don't drink.
Feb. 19th, 2009 04:25 am (UTC)
See? That's just horrible to do to me... "I could so easily win... if willing to disclose"...

I'm highly competitive, so part of me WANTS to have the "Let's see whose life REALLY sucks donkey balls" contest. However, the nice part of me, who understands that airing all of the depressing/horrible shit just makes you *more* depressed, sympathizes. Great, you turned me into a pussy in your own journal. I suck at life. :p

I drink. (Once to twice a week.) However, I was born with this annoying ability to realize that I'm getting tipsy, and stop before it gets anywhere. Oh, if only I didn't have a brain/common sense - I could be a blissfully unaware alcoholic!

Edited at 2009-02-19 04:26 am (UTC)
Feb. 19th, 2009 03:30 pm (UTC)
So if you give up, that means that I win! Yay! My life is the suckiest! My life is the suckiest! My life is the...eh....

Feb. 19th, 2009 11:07 pm (UTC)
You know, that made me giggle like a school girl.

Don't tell anyone, but you're growing on me. When I first added you, I wasn't sure if I'd like having you around. Now I find you intriguing.

By the way, what did you get a PhD in?
Feb. 20th, 2009 09:55 am (UTC)
I grow on people like mold or a venereal disease.

I was ABD on the PhD. Psychopharmacology.
Feb. 20th, 2009 11:56 pm (UTC)
I kind of imagine you growing on me like a yeast infection. You'd be ruining my chances at sex and stinkin' the place up. (And far too close to my womanly bits.) ;)

Wow, way to go, Pootie Pie - you've officially turned a rather innocent thread into something entirely different. Go, me!

So what you're telling me is if you had gone on to get your PhD in psychopharmacology, you could have studied some kind of drug that could have possibly made my ADHD not so bad? So does this mean I can blame you for something? Please say that I can. ;)
(Deleted comment)
Feb. 19th, 2009 03:31 pm (UTC)
Really? I just never could manage to reach that point.
Feb. 19th, 2009 03:48 pm (UTC)
I used to hate going to parties but after I got there I would wind up having fun.

I understand about the habit thing. I got really pissed off this last week. Saturday is our usual game day. James's (the GM) girlfriend was down for a visit, I kind of figured that, she usually makes the holidays, he's always brought her over. So I spend a lot of precious energy trying to get things cleaner than usual and fixing enough food for 5 (2 big eaters plus 3 normal ones) and about 30 mins before things are to start V calls him to pick him up and he says: "I'm not coming over this weekend because I'm staying in and having great sex." oh, and "I didn't make it LAST weekend because I fell asleep." [I'm fine, I just never bothered to answer any phone calls or emails asking if I was okay."

Feb. 20th, 2009 09:56 am (UTC)
Well, poon always wins out in situations like that.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )


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