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Rock me sexy Jesus

Seeing as it's Easter, I thought I'd ramble for a bit about religion. Well, not all religion or religion in general but Christianity. It's probably no surprise to most of you who have payed attention, but I'm usually a supporter of religion. Overall, I think it's been a good thing and has had a positive impact upon humanity in general. I'm currently against the fucking pigdog, towel-wearing, camel-fucking religion of Islam, but that's not against the religion itself as much as the large chunk of its asshole preponents. If I hear just one more time from those hypocritical sand fuckers that Islam is a religion of peace I think I'd explode. Maybe if it's a religion of peace you should get your neighbors to practice it as a religion of peace, you twatwaffles.

Anyway, this is not supposed to be a rant about what cousin-fucking pedophile in a turban did or did not to do spawn a religion with a current generation full of fucking terrorists. This is about Jesus. In short, Jesus makes me sort of uncomfortable. I can wrap my mind around God. A super omnipotent being who created the world and universe in which we dwell and for moral reasons now ceases to overtly interfere and instead simply watches over his creation with a benevolent, yet inscrutable gaze. I kinda like the idea, though my belief, or faith if you will, in the concept often wavers. I figure it's probably impossible to know the mind of God, after all, if the omnipotence we attribute to him is true, he is so far beyond us as we are beyond bacteria or one celled organisms. Imagine asking a paramecium in its own terms to explain the concept of a human being. Anyway, all of that cosmic inscrutability is fine with me and I even find it sort of comforting. Where I have a problem with the whole thing is Jesus.

I've always found Jesus to be a bit of a problem. It doesn't help that he looks like a dirty hippie which as far as I'm concerned gives him a strike or two right off the bat. It's also not like I would expect him to have emerged all clean-cut and dressed in a business suit. Still, would suitably groomed just be too much to ask for?

Jesus also raises serious problems with my concept of God. The idea of a generally benevolent but handsoff deity sort of goes out the window when he runs around impregnating earth women and spawning offspring. I mean, WTF? Would you go and impregnate a hamster if you could? I don't even care if it's a sexy-looking hamster with come-hither eyes and seemed to be consenting. It's just one of those lines I'm not sure should be crossed. There's also the fact that it's distinctly possible that Jesus is not the son of God but someone with a really good dose of paranoid schizophrenia. It's not like there was anyone qualified at the time to really diagnose the condition much less find the herbal equivalent of haldol to treat it. He could simply be crazy and really, who would even know?

The disturbing part is many of the lovely dovey parts of the bible is in the new testament and comes directly out of Jesus. As some have said before, the New Testament is where God got religion. He was sort of a douche in the old Testament, neither handsoff nor all that benevolent at times. So what happens to my paltry and wavering faith in God if I want to believe the benevolence that comes out of Jesus but don't like the whole Jesus idea to begin with? Do things automatically default back to a dark, vengeful and pissy God?

I guess in this case it's just one of those situations where I actually hope I'm wrong and all the Jesus believers out there are right. The entire concept of Jesus might give me the willies, but it's certainly possible that everything happened just as Christians believe. Certainly I think most of us would rather face the kindly, benevolent God at the end of our days than the one who played the equivalent of supernatural craps with the lives for men for shits and giggles. So are you out there, Jesus? I could use a sign of some sort. And a chocolate bunny if it's not too much trouble.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 13th, 2009 12:42 am (UTC)
I have the same issues with the dirty hippie look. Not just on Jesus but on most men. I just can't take someone seriously who has that much facial hair, son of God or not.
Apr. 13th, 2009 02:46 am (UTC)
What kinda response do you think I would get if I wrote a letter to the Pope complaining about Jesus's lack of proper grooming?
Apr. 20th, 2009 10:15 pm (UTC)

Yes, it is impossible to totally know the mind of God, and the separation of God from us is even greater than you stated. This separation is caused by sin. For we were made in God's image, and were/are to be the highest beings (after the Trinity). But from Adam we were sinners. God, not being able to see sin, had us separated. But His love for us was so great the sent himself in human form to suffer as we did, and die for us, and then suffer in hell. This was the payment for our transgressions. He (God-Jesus-Jesus Spirit, i.e. Holy Spirit) wants us to live with him in eternity. This is accomplished as simply believing that He did this, and repent for what we have done.

I understand the hippie affect. I believe this to be another tool of satan. First of all we do not know what Jesus did look like. The perception of what he did look like was copied by false followers such as hippies. So once the illusion of the hippies was past and people saw them for what they were, this made people fall from Christ because after all didn't Christ look like them (even though it was the other way around). The same is with false prophets, teachers, pastors, etc. In the end their falseness deglorifies Christ.

To the answer of your last questions "Is Jesus out there?" Yes He is, and He is right here, hoping, and waiting, with eager arms, for us to accept him as our loving-saving God.

Don (Your True Arena co-conspirator)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )


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