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They continue unabated and I'm starting to feel the strain of it all. This morning I woke up after having this nightmare about being back in Chicago trying to finish my PhD while also, for some obscure reason, in some sort of city exploring race. I think I managed to develop a new phobia during this one. Near the end of the nightmare, I had to get back to my apartment for some reason but everything had shrunk. I had to crawl my way through the stairwell, slithering through it almost snakelike and the hallways had grown so tiny that the doors wouldn't even open all the way. I had to crawl through, let the door shut behind me, and then back up trying to work my way to my room. I've never been claustrophobic before but I think I now am, at least slightly. I finally manage to squeeze my way into my apartment, terrified at any minute that I would either cramp up or somehow be unable to squeeze my way through, only to then have a very disturbing conversation with a roommate about just how many classes I was missing or something similar. I woke up soon after that feeling pretty wigged out.

I then fell asleep tonight and had a dream where I had been wrongly imprisoned for murder. They thought that I had killed someone I went to school with and for some reason I was out of prison temporarily while they re-prosecuted me, but not in court. Instead, we were all back at the highschool (or school of some sort) and the principal there was certain I was guilty. I was getting crucified by all this circumstantial evidence that made me look guilty and I couldn't convince anyone of my innocence. Well, except one. One of the teachers there did believe me and she kept trying to help me. We got closer through the course of the legal pummeling I was taking and I think we were starting to fall in love. Of course, she ends up getting killed somewhere along the way and I woke up soon after.

This fucking sucks. I'm really sick to death of all these fucking nightmares. WTF? Why me? Not a day goes by now where I don't have some sort of fucked up dream that makes me feel shitty. As if life weren't enough of a purgatory as it is, someone decides to spice it up with a little hell.



( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 28th, 2009 07:38 am (UTC)
Yeah, I'm familiar with this.

I've had nightmares just about every night ever since puberty. They mostly involve the deaths of my friends and family... though every once in a while, I have a nightmare in which I'm being attacked and no one is helping me. Or the occasional death dream, and it's always some long, drawn out death.

Have you tried sleeping pills? Some of my friends have claimed that the pills keep them from having dreams/nightmares. I tried them, but they don't really work for me. Or else they keep me drowsy for way too long. Sadly, just about the only thing that helps me to have a dreamless/nightmareless night is alcohol... but I don't want to become an alcoholic. I only drink about once a week, and probably only drink *enough* about once a month to actually avoid the horrific nightmares.

At any rate, I suffer from insomnia and CFS, which is probably subconsciously brought on because of the nightmares. That, and I internalize my anxiety.

Maybe the nightmares are just punishment for what a horrible person you are. ;)
Apr. 28th, 2009 09:01 pm (UTC)
Ooooh, guess what? I woke up this morning from another nightmare. In this one, I was driving through Portland here, when a super-earthquake struck. At first, the glass was falling out of the windows and onto the street, cutting people up. And then the buildings started crumbling... and then progressed to actually just falling over and toppling into each other. There was a lot of screaming, people falling out of windows/buildings, and yet I was untouched.

Reason #128392810984 to move out of Portland: According to my dream, Portland has never retrofitted any of their buildings. (However, in my dream, the super-earthquake was obviously supposed to be something like a 9.0-10.0 event on the Richter scale... no building could withstand that.)
Apr. 29th, 2009 05:51 am (UTC)
Well, everyone knows nothing fixes earthquakes like a desire to move to california. They'll never find you there.
Apr. 28th, 2009 04:04 pm (UTC)
Have you had a change in medication recently? One of my friends has terrible nightmares but I think he actually gets them when he DOESN'T take one of his meds. There's one that really helps with nightmares. He lived in a trailer on 5 acres and was pretty isolated. He was always dreaming that aliens came down and tried to abduct him. Not fun.
Apr. 29th, 2009 05:52 am (UTC)
No changes as far as meds go.

Is he sure that those are nightmares? I've always had the impression that aliens, like God, targets trailer parks.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )


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