In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

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Staborama continues

I still loathe the auto-injector. It takes forever to actually inject myself with it because I can't bring myself to hit the damn button. It's a case of running right up to the line and then stopping, only to back away slowly before taking another run at it a few minutes later. I probably have to make around a dozen attempts before I actually push through and do it. The annoying part is it's not even that the pain is so unbearable as much as it's that startle reflex. The idea of pushing something that pops a painful needle into your skin is incredibly daunting. It's like the difference between having someone chop your head off and pulling the rope on the guillotine yourself. For some reason, it's easier to just let someone else do it rather than be responsible for the action.

I will say on the plus side that it doesn't seem as painful as it was during earlier injections. Maybe I just picked a good spot on the leg this time or something but it certainly didn't hurt as much as the first time. It's still not pleasant by any means and involves some gritted teeth for 15 seconds or so, but it's not the worst thing in the world. Hell, if I didn't have to do it and it was just pain that came to me out of the blue every 3 days, I think I could happily integrate it into my life. Hell, sudden stabbing pains is practically my middle name, or at least it used to be back before all of my drugs took the edge off of it. Now, sharp and stabby pain has mostly been replaced by more achy chronic issues. At least I no longer end up having to bury my face in a pillow and scream obscenities.

I'm still not sure how it's going to go with this autoinjector. Either I'm going to get used to it and doing it will become less of a problem with time or the fear of the startle reflex is going to potentate and it won't be long before I'll just be mentally unable to push that button no matter how many times I try. There's really no way to tell which way it'll go just yet.
Tags: autoinjector, drugs, enbrel

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