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Regret tinged hilarity

Things have changed over the years as far as information goes. It seems that more and more we no longer have a shared consciousness over certain things. I still remember in grade school how it was possible to quote a funny bit from almost any comedian and have most people recognize it and laugh along. There were so many fewer information and entertainment sources that we pretty much all knew the same things, and most of it came from TV.

Now in the age of the internet, everything has exploded and people can find info on really obscure items. It sort of makes me sad since it means that you often miss really hilarious items, discovering them only years after they've passed their prime. I was Wiki-walking and ran across what has been pegged as the worst RPG of all time F.A.T.A.L, which I had never even heard of before now. Here's a link to the wiki page and it has to be seen to be believed. Unfortunately, the humor value in being able to troll the game is lost when it's only a distant memory. This would have been a barrel of monkeys if I had found out about it when it first came out. Here's a fantastic snippet:

Moreover, before the basic abilities of a character are even rolled for, F.A.T.A.L. has tables to determine the starting age, height, weight, body part proportion, most attractive and repulsive features, skin colour, hair colour, hair length, hair thickness, eye colour, breadth (armspan), vision, facial features, "Freak of Nature" characteristics, areola size, areola colour, cup (breast) size, nipple length, potential vaginal circumference, potential vaginal depth, tongue size, anal circumference, hymen resistance, likelihood of becoming pregnant, penile length, penile circumference, foot size, fist size, likelihood of left or right handedness and head circumference.

It has a chart for _hymen resistance_. I remember running across Rolemaster back in the day and thinking that it was crazily obsessive compulsive with all the tables and die rolls. This game blows it out of the park.

Is it wrong that I really really want to find a copy of this and then run a twisted pick-up game? I just want to hear someone say something like 'Ha Ha! You obviously weren't counting on my superior penile circumference when you made your attack!'. Not to mention having people roll to overcome hymen resistance.

So much want.

Also in the realm of ridiculously hilarious games which I lament I've never been able to play is this arcade game, Boong-Ga Boong-Ga. It's another case of where you have to see it to believe it.

If you have no clue what you're looking at (and I don't blame you), it's a game where you take a large plastic finger and jam it into the anus of a posterior which juts out of the front of the machine. You can pick which character you want to anally assault, (choices include a child molester or mother-in-law) and then the machine rates you on your ass-penetrating skills as a video of the 'victim' shrieks.

I want to fall to my knees and cry out to God in heaven about my disappointment that there wasn't one of these at Dave and Busters. I haven't seen anything this ridiculously campy in...well, forever. This game boggles the imagination. Who came up with this idea? Who actually decided to pay money to FUND it? Did it actually make money? What the hell did the first customers playing this think of it?

Sadly, these are all questions we will probably never know the answer to.

It just doesn't seem fair.

Holy shit, it gets even better.

The game also dispenses cards that rates players on their "sexual behavior", and for players who perform exceptionally well the machine will dispense a small plastic trophy in the shape of a pile of feces.

Gah! So much regret.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 11th, 2009 05:20 pm (UTC)
I hear the sourcebook is 900 pages long and it takes 3 hours to roll up a character.
(Deleted comment)
Dec. 11th, 2009 05:20 pm (UTC)
The japanese are just a bundle of contradictions all around.
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )


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