In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

  • Mood:

When the first word that comes to mind is kafkaesque, you know you're fucked

Everything feels surreal in my life right now. I feel even more rudderless than normal and it's as if I'm spinning in little circles. I fear the future, I loathe the present, and I regret the past. It's like I've managed to hit some sort of depressive trifecta. If I wake up tomorrow as a giant 6' long cockroach, I'll know that the circle is complete.

At the core of it all, I guess I just wish I were a different person. I'm not even sure I want to be a better person, just a different one. It feels like too many things are locked in and I wish I had a release valve or could just explode and let it all go. Screaming, crying, mowing down 30 people with an AK-47, leaping from an airplane, spitting in Slightblinder's eye, shrieking and waving my hands in the air while running down the street. All of it sounds like it'd be preferable right now but all I've got is tiny little circles.

The future has never seemed more ominous and I feel like I'm walking toward an execution.
Tags: depression

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