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It can't rain every day

I'm not feeling as down in the dumps lately as I was a couple weeks ago. Nothing has really changed over that course of time so maybe it's just natural fluctuations in mood or depression fatigue. It's probably harder work than you might think being morose all the time. This is not to say I'm all ready to kick up my heels, but things have certainly been worse.

Lately, I've been thinking about maybe I should try reengaging in life a bit. It's been a pretty craptastic half a year as any of you reading along would know. During that time, I continued the general pullback in my life until I fit the stereotypical description of a hikikomori. I end up leaving the house so infrequently I sometimes wonder if I should sign up for one of those biosphere experiments where they lock you up in an enclosed environment for years at a time. It's not like I had a rocking social life before this past year, but at the least I would trek out to the Bills' game days at the Panera or the occasional BG meetup. I can't even remember the last time I went to either. About the only thing I did still do was go to Brian's place for poker every once and a while, and only then because he would actually call and invite me. If it were something based solely on inertia, god knows I would have dropped it too.

It really seems like a cruel farce sometimes that some people who so love life have it stripped from them against their will while others bear each day like a burden. It's enough to wish that you could actually transfer lifeforce and gift it to others. Though, I imagine if that could be accomplished we'd have billionaires who lived forever feasting on the corpses of the poor and depressed. Oh well.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
Jan. 13th, 2010 10:41 am (UTC)
I think a lot of that is because people in general have a hard time believing depression is a chemical rather than a situational problem. Hell, I have a hard time believing it myself and I have ridiculous degrees and classhours in psychopharmacology to help me out. We all want to believe that happiness or sadness is a function of how things are going. Win the lottery = happy. Find true love = happy. Get clipped by a bus and end up in a wheelchair = unhappy. No wonder it seems ridiculous even to people experiencing it sometimes when they can't link their mood to things going on in their environment.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )


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