In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

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Despite all my rage

This no carb diet is having some really unpleasant side effects. I'm depressed, feeling weakness, nauseous, or woozy whenever I stand, tired after even slight physical exertion and increasingly angry about it. I'm starting to think that what I really want to do is become a suicide bomber and blow the mother-loving @#%^ out of something/one/ones. If I had something more concrete to fixate my rage upon, I'd probably be dangerous in another few weeks. I don't remember having anything near a reaction like this the last time I did a no-carb diet and I have no clue why it's happening now. I find it baffling that just a change in diet can have such dire effects, though I will admit I've been a little more extreme with it than I probably should be.

So, the night before yesterday my uncle called wanting to take me and my grandmother out to lunch. I haven't eaten out since this diet began and frankly, I didn't need the temptation and wangst it would cause. Unfortunately, there was also no way I could turn him down. He wanted to do something nice and there wasn't any real way I could beg off. At that point, I hadn't eaten anything for almost 2 days and the idea of breaking a fast in a deli where there was bread and french fries and coleslaw and potato salad and all sorts of other things I shouldn't eat didn't feel like a pleasant idea to me. I ended up agreeing and so the next day we went out to lunch.

The meal itself wasn't all that bad. I ended up having some pastrami and egg salad, managing to keep myself from breaking the diet in any major way. The biggest infraction was a couple of carrot chips with the egg salad and I figured that was at least relatively harmless. I guess it shouldn't be too surprising but I couldn't actually eat all that much and became full pretty quickly so I sat around while they finished their meals. As I sat there, a wave of weakness washed over me. I'm not sure I have ever felt that tired in my life and it took too much effort to even sit up. I actually wondered if I was going to faint or have to lie down on the floor in the middle of the restaurant. I ended up staggering outside and lying down on a bench fighting waves of weakness, nausea, and lightheadedness. Even that amount of walking seemed almost too much to be borne at the time and I'm not sure I could have gone much further for money. Well, it depends on how much money and if I could stagger slowly I guess.

All in all, it was not a pleasant experience made all the worse because it was in public. God knows I've felt bouts of weakness before at home but it's no problem to flop in bed and just wait for it to go away. People usually get concerned when random strangers just start lying down on the floor in public. Anyway, suffice to say that I am not a happy camper right now. I can't help but wonder if there's also some low-carb induced psychosis so I at least have something to blame when I go postal. Luckily for my potential victims, anything faster than a slow walk will probably leave me exhausted and that's assuming I don't go 10 feet and have to have a lie-down.
Tags: anger, depression, diet, family, food
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