In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

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Things man was not meant to know

Today, I stood up. Walked maybe 15 feet and put on a t-shirt. At the end of this grueling physical exertion, my arms began to throb and ache as if I had just been doing arm curls with a weight. This is in addition to the ubiquitous woozy-headed feeling I now expect whenever I go from a supine to vertical position. Clearly, something isn't kosher.

Frankly, I'm not sure what to make of any of it and I'm not certain if I'm worried or simply apathetic. I was sort of concerned when all of it started but as the symptoms seem to get more extreme, I find that I care less and less. Just the other day in the shower the exhaustion and dizziness struck with a vengeance and my old friend from Disney World, the unstoppable dilating pupils came back. At least that's what I assume it was since it's not like I checked my eyes in the mirror. It was the same experience as last time however as my vision got sort of blurry and everything became brighter and brighter. I didn't end up passing out or anything, for some reason still feeling confident that I could bull through it if necessary.

The incident was disturbing enough that I overcame my fear of needles and had someone jab me with the auto-pricker. This was only after my attempts to induce a nosebleed failed to produce enough blood. Frankly, I would have checked my blood sugar long before now if it wasn't for the fucking needles involved. I figured with the insane escalation of symptoms, I had to do something to at least check my primary theory that it was blood sugar related. If the results came back with some low number, I could at least tell myself I knew what the cause was and at least discontinuing the blood sugar medication or adding carbs to my diet might just fix the issue. So imagine my reaction when the meter read 139. I hadn't eaten in hours and hours, and I couldn't begin to explain why the hell it was that high. At the time, I could only conclude that maybe my diabetes was worse than I had ever considered possible and my system was beyond fucked. Then I recalled that less than 15 minutes ago I had been sucking on a couple of sugar free lifesavers. Could that have caused the elevation? But they're sugar free so they shouldn't have any effect at all, right? After further research, studies seem to show that that particular sugar alcohol (isomalt) is one of the best in producing no real increase in blood sugar after consumption. So if the life savers can be eliminated as a problem....why am I having all of these issues like dizziness when standing and extreme fatigue with a blood sugar that's still hugely elevated over what it should be?

Frankly, I don't know and I'm trying to convince myself it's better if I never know. Maybe in this case ignorance is bliss since any answer I receive will probably only serve to distress me in some fashion. I should just hope that whatever problem it is, it'll just continue floating me down the happy trails river.
Tags: blood sugar, diet, drugs, side effects

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