I mean, I was already fat but I had become fat-fat at some point. It's often hard to tell exactly where my weight is at since it's seldom I step onto a scale. When I went to the doctor a couple weeks ago I found that I was a good 10-15 pounds heavier than I had expected. My weight usually fluxates around a range but I hadn't hit a point that heavy since I was in Chicago. I'm pretty sure the reason why is I had been scheduled to have the gastric sleeve surgery in the fall and I had been enjoying my last hurrah of sorts. All of that has now been upturned by the kidney diagnosis and the surgery is in limbo.
It's probably not surprising that after seeing the doctor I didn't have much of an appetite. I figured that was just as well and decided to simply stop eating more or less. It's always amazing to me just how easy that can be, especially in the beginning. It really is like what people say....the hard part about food and why in some ways it's worse than other addictions is that at least for drugs or alcohol, you can quit cold turkey. It might be hard to avoid seeing alcohol based on your friends and social life, but you can at least draw a line in the sand and tell yourself, Not One Drop. Imagine if instead you were trying to convince your local heroin addict that he HAD to keep using heroin but could only shoot up 3 times a day and only a small, unsatisfying amount each time. Is there anyone who doubts that recovery statistics would be even worse than they already are?
So what I ended up doing was a severe calorie restriction slash fast, limiting myself to less than 500 calories a day, and on most days less than half of that. On an average day I might eat a peach and a hardboiled egg with maybe a bite or two of cucumber. I've been trucking along like that for 11 days now and it wasn't until yesterday that I started to really feel some of the muscle aches and fatigue set in. All I can do is try to push past it and see if I can maintain this for the rest of September. They say that there's nothing stronger than the human will, right?
Anyway, that's the goal, and I figure if I can last a whole month and a half, then maybe I can start making some real changes. If nothing else, the main point right now is just to get the weight down and hopefully take some pressure off the body and see if that'll have some beneficial effect. Even if it doesn't work out the taller mountain to climb will be October when I head down to visit Melissa and Richard. It sometimes feels like most of our time together revolves around food and meals at various restaurants. It'll be a constant application of will-power, and I'm not sure I'll manage. Hell, if I thought I could do it this way in the first place I wouldn't have been planning and prepping for the gastric sleeve surgery.
In the end, I guess there's nothing to do but take it one day at a time.
So during this past week and change, I hadn't really noticed much of a change when it came to whether I was getting less flabby. There honestly didn't seem to be much of a difference to me but when I got weighed in the doctor's office again it turned out that I had dropped somewhere around 25-30 pounds. Even if most of that is water weight, it's still around 8% of body weight, and it's a beginning.