In the darkness the trees are full of starlight (henwy) wrote,
In the darkness the trees are full of starlight
henwy

No phone calls at 4am are ever good...

'Shadow-Lover, court me in my dreams
Bring the peace that suffering redeems.
'

-Mercedes Lackey



Just got a phone call from my dad.... He's dying of cancer and the prognosis is grim. Things are nearing a breaking point. My mom didn't want me flying back to jersey in the middle of this whole Corona virus situation and I hoped that there would be more time but things are coming to a head. What I really need to do is talk to some of his doctors and find out what the situation is. Shelley's been taking care of that but she hasn't exactly shared the nitty gritty with me. I don't know if some of the symptoms he's describing are just temporary from the new drugs or if it's the start of the downhill slide. He says that he can barely move due to muscle weakness the last couple days.

He clearly wants me to do something about it and was asking if I still had my stash of oxy somewhere. He doesn't want my mom or Shelley to know and I don't really know what to do. It's not like I don't believe in a person's right to call it quits when things are just too much to bear. To be truthful, that's one reason I stockpiled so much oxycontin in the first place back in the day.

NJ does have an assisted suicide law in place from what I'm reading but anything 'official' will no doubt let the whole family know and cause God only knows how much angst. There's also the chance that some of the symptoms could abate or be treatable. There's just too much I don't know and none of this will be possible to sort out from 1,000 miles away.

Just got another call where he's lamenting that mom apparently hid his gun somewhere years ago. I need to call Shelley in the morning and get a better idea of what the situation is. I had no real clue things were this dire. Dad's always had a streak of hypochondria and hyperbole in his nature and it's hard to know exactly where things stand.
Tags: cancer, family, suicide
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